Rediscovering Us

It's been 5 months since Caleb was born. He has brought so much joy to our little family. However, contrary to popular belief, we do still remember what life was like without him...

We stayed in bed as long as we wanted to on Saturdays. We'd go on dates that last 5+ hours. We could do what we wanted, when we wanted just because we wanted to. Ross and I weren't quite ready for that freedom to disappear, especially as quickly as it did.

Ross is wonderful at adjusting to situations and accepting reality. Me, not so much. The past 5 months, he has adjusted well to being a dad- getting up in the middle of the night, and early on Saturday and waiting around for a babysitter before we can actually go on a 2 hour date. He's so good at accepting life for what it is and making the best of it.

I, on the other hand, am a dreamer. I'm the "remember when" and the "someday" kind of a girl. I love Caleb with all that I have, but it's hard for me to not think about the past sometimes.

And, the reality is that Ross and I don't have as much time together, especially "just us" time. And that can change relationships- it had changed ours.

So, Thursday evening, Ross and I were standing in the kitchen. He was holding Caleb close and making him laugh. He said something to me, I don't even remember what, that would have been funny, had I not felt like he and I had been so distant from each other. He knew something was up when I gave him a frown instead of a smile. He walked towards me and I just started bawling.

Hysterically. Shoulders shaking, tears streaming, hysterical bawling. I was out of control.

"I don't feel like you love me anymore. I mean, I know you love me. You take care of me and Caleb. You go to work. You help us at home. I know you love us. But are you 'in-love' with me?" I manage to communicate through the streams of tears. "We never have time to snuggle. You're always holding Caleb. I want you to hold me. I want you to be 'in love' with me. I want us to do something romantic."

Poor Ross was taken off guard. He held me close and said "Oh, baby. Of course I'm in love with you."

And life has been so much better ever since. I felt like I had been leaving lots of hints about my feelings. But men don't read hints very well. Don't judge them and say they should. They don't. God didn't make them that way. And that's exactly why God gave Ross and I a divine appointment of utter, uncontrollable bawling.

What is there to learn from this?

1) Let it out. Your husband and God need your complete honesty. Let the tears and the words flow.

2) Don't let your relationship get stagnant. Guard it. Your marriage is so important. Value it. If the "in love" part of your marriage is fading, hurry and do something romantic! Be honest with your husband about how you need that from him.

3) This wasn't the first time Ross and I had talked about this. (It was the first time I went crazy, though : ) ) If you feel like your husband isn't listening (which I had felt for a while) ask God to soften his heart and open his ears towards you. It's God's desire that your marriage be a good one that reflects Him. Then the hard part.... be patient for Him to answer that prayer.

So, now, go. If you and your husband are much in love, thank Him and him for it.

If not, be open with Him and him and be hopeful for the future.