But I Don't Have a Husband...

Before we journey any further, we need to stop for a moment and discuss what all of this means for single women.

First off, I encourage you, if you desire to marry and to bear children, to earnestly present that request before the LORD. He knows your heart and your passions. He does not tire from hearing your will. But you must trust Him as you wait for His answer- and delight yourself in Him as you wait.

Psalm 34:7 says, "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Delight in His goodness and His grace. Delight in the way he provides for you and is intimate with your heart. Delight in the knowledge that He has a great love for you and will do what is best for you.

This is not always easy. Ross and I dated for a long time (considering the amount of time we had known each other prior to dating and the certainty which we felt about our relationship.) There were many evenings where I cried to God- asking Him why we weren't married already. Why He wasn't following my plan.... Patience and reliance is not easy, but critical to the Christian walk.

Secondly, I urge you to use your singleness for His glory! There are so many things that you are free to do that us married ladies are not. You don't have to worry about getting dinner on the table, or being home for nap time. You can pursue exciting missionary endeavors without having to worry about leaving your family at home. I encourage single women to do exciting things for Jesus- to spend your time blessing others, instead of pouting over the marriage you don't have.

Finally, I ask that you apply the principles of Biblical womanhood, found in Titus 2, to your lives as well. You may not have husbands and children, but that doesn't mean you can't support your girlfriends that do. When a friend of yours complains about her husband, gently remind her that you would love to have one yourself and that it is best for her to enjoy the man God has given to her. Delight yourself in other people's children. Teach and guide them to love Jesus with all their hearts.

Honor your bodies and the holiness of marriage by keeping yourself self-controlled and pure. Bless others by using your gifts of hospitality. Shower others with kindness.

Remember how we do all of these things so that the gospel might be proclaimed? Think of the beautiful picture that is presented by a single woman who doesn't complain about her singleness, but rather uses it to glorify God and to edify the body of Christ! A woman who is gracious and kind, hospitable, caring and pure is a lovely display of the gospel.

Do not be ashamed of your singleness, but rather embrace it as an opportunity to love the LORD and be a blessing to His people.

FA: Ch 2: An Enjoyment Kind of Love

Do you love your husband?

Titus 2, first and foremost, commands that older women teach younger women to love their husbands. What kind of love are we talking about here?

The Apostle Paul uses the Greek word for love "phileo". This love can be described as tender or affectionate, passionate, enjoyable, respectful kind of love. It's the love shared between best friends. It is a love that draws people to each other because they like each other, not just because they've promised themselves to each other.

May I ask the question again? Do you love your husband? Do you enjoy him? Do you kindle tender thoughts of him in your heart? Do you look forward to seeing him? Do you share special memories with him? Do you love your husband?

We all can be honest and say that our husbands are not always lovable. We can also all be honest and say that we are not always overflowing with an enjoyment kind of love.

It's easy to get caught up on the things our husbands don't do right- the ways in which we are disappointed or dissatisfied. However, just because it is easy, does not mean it is right.

One of the best ways to kindle an enjoyment kind of love is to start thinking positively about your husband.

What physical traits of his are attractive to you?

When was the last time he made you laugh?

How does he love your children well?

How does he express his love to you?

Does your heart feel happier now, after answering one of those questions?

I can almost guarantee that when you promised to live the rest of your life with your husband, you made that choice because you did enjoy him.

God is making a rather beautiful, life-giving command here. He is saying, "Daughter of mine, I want you to fall in love with your husband every day. I want you to be happy in his arms."

Isn't our God, good? He wants us to be happy, and how do we go about doing that?

By deciding each and every morning to be happy with the man that God has given us. That man is not perfect, and never will be, but we can enjoy him like he's the best guy in the whole world. What a blessed gift to his heart!!

Question for You: What is something you enjoy about your husband??

Comments Welcome!

Carolyn's Blog

Carolyn Mahaney (the author of Feminine Appeal) and her 3 daughters have a blog that they update every week day.

Cari V. introduced me to it and I check it every day!

So full of good, sound, Biblical wisdom- about everything woman.

Check it out here! : )

Quiet Time Challenge

I have a confession to make. In my history of being a Christian, I have been HORRIBLE at disciplining myself to have a daily quiet time. Absolutely awful at it. I go through periods of time when I am committed and I sit down everyday, read and grow. But nothing consistent.

I have a myriad of excuses.

- I'm too tired.

- I don't know what to read.

- I've read that already....

Then, something miraculous happened. I had a baby. Which meant I was even more tired than ever, but so desperately in need of Biblical truth to apply to my every day life!

I've been telling myself that as soon as I'm done with this whole pumping thing, then I could use that time, before Caleb gets up, to do a quiet time.

Well, yesterday I realized that that is just a ridiculous extension of an excuse and decided to do something about it. I found this great website- www.biblestudytools.com- and got started.

My "pumping station" has included the laptop for some time now. A few pumps during the day, I'll check my e-mail or Facebook to help pass the time. Now, during my 9:30 am pump, I'm going to read the Word.

This website not only has the Scriptures available online for you to read, but also helps you choose reading plans- so you know what to read. I chose the Chronological Plan, which sets up the whole Bible for you in order of the times when each of the events happened. I thought this would be helpful in understanding how Biblical events work together.

So I began yesterday. I read Genesis 1-3 and then today read Genesis 4-6. I've read these passages several times, but you know what? God brought new insight.

He is so good and honors when we commit to knowing his Word.

I encourage you, if you aren't doing something consistent already, to start TODAY! Ask the LORD to help you carve out time and get reading!

I also encourage you to hold me accountable. Comment on the blog, write on my Facebook page, grab me at church and ask me what Scripture I read that morning.

Commitment is so much easier when done in community!

Several years ago, I taught 1st grade Pioneer Girls at Trinity. It was a wonderful experience. The first verse I had them memorize was Psalm 119:11. I plan on teaching it to Caleb as soon as he can talk : )

"I have hidden Your Word, in my heart, so that I might not sin against you."

Amen!

Saturday Night Priorities

I want to write a blog post now, but my sweet husband and cute baby boy are here and ready to play. So I'm going to shut the laptop and enjoy them.

I encourage you to do the same : )

I'll write something when Ross is back at work, Caleb is sleeping and the dishes are done.

(Okay, maybe just when the boys are preoccupied : ) )

FA: Ch 1: Why We Do What We Do

If we choose to exemplify the virtues of Titus 2, we are going to stand out. And that is exactly what God wants.

Loving our husbands and children, being self-controlled and pure, being busy at home, being kind and submitting to our husbands are all ways in which Christ's love can be practically applied in our lives. They are not natural- selfishness and greed are. So when people see us doing these things, they'll wonder how (and why) we are doing them. This opens the door for us to share the gospel.

The reason we do these things is found in Titus 2.

Verse 5: "so that the Word of God may not be reviled."

Verse8: "so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us."

Verse 10: "so that in everything [we] may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior."

God calls us to these virtues so that His Word may be seen as transformational, so that enemies will have nothing to accuse us of and so that we can wear the gospel. He wants us to be a picture of His grace and mercy.

When we put on these virtues, there will be practical benefits. Our husbands will probably love us in return. Our children will probably grow into loving, caring, responsible adults. Our lives will probably be free of addictions. Our homes will most likely be organized and clean. People will probably like us.

But the real reason we do what we do is Christ. That His name would be honored and glorified. I know I can't do it all on my own, but through His strength I can love others well.

When we strive to be Titus 2 women, calling on Christ for His strength to help us- we demonstrate the gospel and its transformational power in our lives.

I don't know about you, but that's what I want : )

FA: Ch 1: Biblical Womanhood is Not Popular or PC

Moving along in chapter one, Carolyn tells the story of her friend Lisa, who gave up a prestigious job to pursue the virtues outlined in Titus 2.

Now seems like a good time to talk about the fact that pursuing these virtues is not popular in our culture today, nor is it politically correct...

First, the call to love our husbands. Our culture likes talking about love and romance, but when it comes down to the difficult aspects of love- sacrifice, compromise, selflessness- we start getting nervous. We'll discover later on that the love this passage is talking about is phileo, or an enjoyment love. Unfortunately, it's not popular for women to express enjoyment in their husbands. Too often, we hear women complaining about all the things their husbands do wrong and not enough about what they do right. However, God is calling us to love our husbands, sacrificially and passionately.

Next, the call to love our children. Again, our culture likes this idea in its perfect form. People love babies and the pride we feel in our children's accomplishments, but giving up a prestigious job to stay home with our kids?? That's questionable. When people ask me if I work, I tell them that I am staying home with Caleb. Immediately, the next question raised is, "Well, when will you go back?" Honestly, the answer is- unless there is some catastrophic situation- never. But I feel some sort of guilt in that answer. Why? Because our culture quietly whispers that women of real importance work outside the home.

How about self control? Culture HATES this term. That would mean no premarital sex, no gluttony, no drunkenness, no fits of rage... That would mean becoming responsible for our actions. That would mean we'd probably spend a lot less money (and have a lot less heartache). Self control isn't popular because when someone demonstrates it- there's an immediate feeling of guilt by those who don't.

And purity?? How I wish our culture would embrace this!! Purity is such a tender expression of beauty and love. God calls us to live a pure life- especially a sexually pure one- and in so doing, we trust in His plan for our lives, for our marriages and for our bodies. I think we should start a purity revolution. If only it were cool to be pure...

What about being busy at home? There's an immediate adverse reaction to this as well. At home? I have to be busy at home. But that's so boring... At times it may feel boring, but I don't know about you. There's plenty to do around here. And when we care for our homes, we are caring for our families and for the blessings God has entrusted to us. Pretty important, I'd say.

Kindness seems easy enough and surely well accepted, but what about when I am called to be kind to an angry person or if kindness involves sacrificing what I want for what someone else wants. Not so easy after all...

And, finally, submitting to one's husband. Now everyone gets a little anxious. "But my husband doesn't really know what he's talking about," someone says. Or, "That's so outdated." No, actually, it is not. We'll discuss later-on how beautiful submission is- not a sign of weakness, but an opportunity to model Christ.

I'd like to encourage you as we move along that some things in this book will catch you off guard and make you defensive. Please reflect on these things. Is it because culture has told you that you don't have to sacrifice what you want for the sake of others or that you deserve to do what you want to do?

As we strive to be women of God, some sacrifices must be made, but I promise, it's for our good.

"Cheater" Foods

In light of my last post- in which I urge you to help younger women in the everyday- I'd like to pose homemaker questions every now and then, so that we can share and learn from each other. Because God can even use the Internet as a mentorship tool : )

I must admit that I used to be a bit of a cooking snob. I didn't use "cheater" foods. You know the ones that take something that you could make from scratch easier by doing half of the process for you. I thought I was "above that" or something..."

Since getting pregnant and not feeling like cooking much and since having a baby who leaves me very little time to cook... I have repented of my ways.

So my question for you is: What are some of your favorite "cheater" foods? Ones that save time, aren't overly expensive and still taste yummy.

Here are a few of mine:

Bagged salad- so easy to grab a handful of leafy greens- gotta love quick nutrition!

Instant potatoes- I never made mashed potatoes because they took too much time...

Rotisserie chicken- my ALL TIME FAVORITE- I chop it up and use it in everything!!

FA: Ch 1: A Call to Mentorship

The Scripture that Carolyn uses throughout Feminine Appeal is Titus 2:3-5. It says:

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

In each chapter, she discusses one of the 7 attributes in detail with lots of practical application. But in the 1st chapter, we focus on command for the older women to teach the younger women.

I love the quote by Elisabeth Elliot on p. 22:

"It would help younger women to know there are a few listening ears when they don't know what to do with an uncommunicative husband, a 25 pound turkey, or a two-year-old's tantrum."

How true! Just someone who has been along this path before and has survived! Someone to listen and come alongside. This is what Christ wants women to do for one another.

My challenge for you is to find someone you can mentor- in the everyday and in the love and application of His Word. Many of you probably live with a good candidate. If you are a mother of a girl- it's God's desire that you teach her everything you know about marriage and motherhood. And the stuff you don't know, together, you should find someone who does : )

Young women need the counsel of older women. Listen to these very true stories...

About a month ago, I had two close friends come over to discuss their marriages. They both are very recently married- 2 and 6 months along. One of them told me about her struggles at the grocery store. Having never lived on her own, she wasn't used to shopping for everyday necessities. "Dru-Lynn, have you ever bought laundry detergent? How do you know what kind to buy? There are so many choices! I just picked the one with the prettiest container. And have you seen the toilet paper aisle?!?"

I felt like a complete failure as a friend. Poor girl didn't know how to buy laundry detergent and toilet paper! Don't tell her mother. She'd be devastated!! (Does your daughter, cousin, next door neighbor girl, niece, etc... know how to buy these products??) Mentorship starts in the everyday things!

The other close friend was very angry with her husband. Excessively angry. I'm a little worried for the young man's survival, actually. After lots of statements of his stupidity and threats on his life (not kidding...) we got down to the root of the issue. She's frustrated that she has to tell him exactly, word for word, her expectations.

Oh, dear. Had I forgotten to share that, too? That most men don't know you want red roses, or to go out to dinner or touched here but not there- unless you tell them directly. That they're not stupid or insensitive- but that they really don't know.

What she needed was someone to share in her frustration but to urge her to lovingly express her expectations and to meet her husband's needs with a happy heart.

Young women NEED the wisdom, knowledge and experiences of older women. We need someone to agree that life is hard, but that it is livable. We need someone to show us how to do things efficiently and happily and how to see God through the difficult, mundane, crazy situations.

So.... I want you to pray about young women in your life who need guidance and direction- in the everyday( grocery shopping, cookie making, meal planning, underwear washing, toilet scrubbing, etc. etc.) and in their walk with the Father (praying, reading, confessing, forgiving, encouraging, loving, sacrificing, etc. etc.)

May God use you and your experiences for His glory!

Feminine Appeal

I just recently read an excellent book about biblical womanhood entitled, Feminine Appeal. Carolyn Mahaney outlines Titus 2:3-5 and how it directs women on how God would like us to live as wives and mothers.

Trinity's Book Stall has it on sale for $10- but because we want every woman to have the opportunity to read it- Women's Ministry would like to split the cost with you. Pick yours up for $5 next Sunday : )

If you don't attend Trinity, you can purchase a copy from Amazon for $10.19 here.

This book has transformed the way I think about being a wife and a mom and how I can honor the LORD in whatever I do. Starting today (if Caleb's nap continues : ) I am going to begin working through the book with you- sharing thoughts and applications and asking you questions.

Enjoy!

Discipleship

If you are a woman who attends Trinity or Trinity's Women's Bible Study, you should be receiving a letter in the mail from me. It shared where my heart is right now and invited you here. I'm glad you found us : )

In that letter, I discussed a conversation I had with Pastor Josh about discipleship. I said that it was about sharing "life, love and faith together." One thing I would like to add to that definition is that discipleship involves reading God's word together. Women who are not believers meet together and share about their life experiences. Women who are believers meet together, share experiences, joys, trials and hopes. They read the Word and what it says about their lives and they are changed.

That's what we want. That's what God wants for us- that His Word be read in community so that His believers grow to be more and more like His Son Jesus.

That all sounds magnificent, but the truth is- it's scary. Most of us don't normally talk about the Word in our day-to-day conversations. With most of my friends, our conversations revolve around our relationships with our husbands, our jobs and our families. It's only a handful of friends that I can comfortably discuss what God's been teaching me through His Word.

So it can be difficult and uncomfortable- but we are called to do it. I think my job is to jump in alongside you and we can encourage each other through it : )

Let's start small and at home. Place a Bible on your kitchen table. The next time your family sits down to eat together, open up to the book of Mark and read a few verses from chapter one. You don't have to read much- just a few. Then ask your family a few questions.

Ross and I did this tonight. We read Mark 1:1-4. It says, "The beginning of the gospel about Jesus Christ, the Son of God. It is written in Isaiah the prophet: 'I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way-- a voice of one calling in the desert, "Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him."' And so John came, baptizing in the desert region and preaching baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins."

Then we asked ourselves these four questions:

1) What does it say?

2) What does it mean?

3) What does it mean for us?

4) What questions do I have about this passage?

Here's what we came up with:

1) It says this is the beginning of the gospel of Jesus. It talks about Isaiah's prophecy about Him and John. John fulfills that prophecy by coming, baptizing and preaching.

2) It means that God has been planning to bring Jesus for a long time. Isaiah prophesied a looong time before Jesus came. It means that God had a plan for John and Jesus' lives long before they were born.

3) After reading this, we can know that God has an ultimate plan for salvation- and has for a long time. This should comfort us. I also thought it should encourage us to read the prophetic books (which I tend to ignore)- as they point forward to the coming of Jesus and therefore, discuss the gospel.

4) We wonder what John's calling was like. How did God reveal His plan to him? We won't know the answer to that question here on earth. We also wonder what the time difference from Isaiah to Jesus is. This question can be looked up : )

So- try this with your family. I'll give updates on occasion on where we are and what we are thinking : )

Hope to see you at church tomorrow!

2011 Women's Events!

Last night, I had a great time of planning and fellowship with our Women's Ministry Leadership Team. It was good to sit around the table with Gena, Geneva, Julie, Barb and Kris- sharing good food, good conversation, and great laughs : )

It looks like we have the foundations of 2011 set. Here are some highlights to look forward to:

Coffee Nights- the 2nd Thursday of EVERY month (except Nov)

I (Heart) My Husband in February

Slumber Party Retreat in August

Women of Faith Conference in September (the $$ is due in July- start saving now!)

Holiday Hostessing 303 in November

Gift Faire in December

We are looking forward to meeting together with you as we encourage each other's hearts through devotions, fellowship and food : )

One of My Struggles

There are many aspects of being a new mom that I wasn't totally prepared for. I hadn't really thought through the fact that Caleb would have no idea the difference between day and night. Or that his cries would break my heart into pieces. Or that there would be times where I would literally have no clue what I should do.

But the hardest part, for me, has been breastfeeding.

Ross and I had decided, even before we got pregnant, that I would breastfeed our babies. I knew then that it would be a challenge. There aren't many women who don't have some kind of complication with breastfeeding. I knew there would be times when it would hurt, times when I would be inconvenienced, and times when I would want to give up. Still, we knew it was the best for Caleb, and I was willing to sacrifice for him.

However, Caleb and I had troubles from day 1. For a variety of reasons, Caleb was unable to latch on. When he was brand new, he was very sleepy and showed no desire to nurse. Later on, we discovered that he didn't really know how to suck at all. Here I had a beautiful, healthy baby boy who was struggling to eat. The heartbreak began...

I saw a lactation consultant in the hospital who had me start pumping my breastmilk. The nurses had started feeding him formula, which I did not like. Feeding him my milk out of a bottle seemed like a decent compromise.

We went home with a baby and a Medela Symphony breastpump. I had friends come over and try to help Caleb latch correctly. He wouldn't have it. He'd arch his back and scream and cry. Again, the heartache continued...

So one day I decided that we were just going to pump. I knew a number of women whose milk never came in. I had it, he just needed help getting it. I would help my son get what he needed.

When I made that decision, I had NO IDEA what a commitment that would be. I pump 7 times a day for 2o minutes. That's a lot of time. One of those pumps is in the middle of night. Caleb started sleeping through the night, pretty consistently, about a month ago. I set an alarm and get up for 1/2 an hour while my sweet boys sleep in peace.

It is NOT easy! Remember Colossians 3:17? Where we are supposed to do everything- the good, the bad, the ugly for Jesus' sake? And we are to be thankful to God for the opportunity to do it? I don't always do that. It's easy to get consumed in my own selfishness- to think about what else I could be doing with all that time or all that sleep.

On the other hand, it's easy to become self-righteous about it, too. See what an amazing mom I am because I give all this time for my son? That's not what Christ wants either!

So what I'm working on, every day, 7 times a day- is to be mindful of Christ and thankful to God. Thankful that I have a sweet baby boy, thankful that I have milk for him, thankful that I have a husband who steps in and helps wherever necessary, thankful that Christ is my ultimate example of sacrifice.

Because, really, 2o minutes 7 times a day, even at night, pales in comparison to the fact that God gave His Son up to die for our sins. If God can do that, then I can pump : )

P.S. If you or someone you know every finds yourself in a situation similar to mine, I'd love to encourage you. Please feel free to grab me at church or send me an e-mail. Breastfeeding is really hard and sometimes it feels like no one understands how you feel. I'd love to sit and listen.

Whatever We Do

I've titled this blog "Whatever We Do" in reference to Colossians 3:17, which says:

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

As women, we find ourselves doing lots of things in a day. My days involve things like changing dirty diapers, pumping, washing bottles over and over again, rocking my baby to sleep, talking to a stressed friend on the phone about her marriage troubles, texting my husband love notes (or screaming baby updates...) and this is just the morning!

The Bible- God's message to us- says that all of these things can be done for Jesus- for the glory of His name! And not only should we do them with Jesus in mind- but we should be thankful to God for the opportunity to do them! Ponder that for a moment. Does that change the way you think about the things that you do?

I've told you a little bit about what my days look like. How about you? What are some tasks that are easy to be mindful of Jesus and thankful to God for and others where it's not so easy? Comments welcome! : )

Me-

Easy: When I pray over baby Caleb.

Hard: Washing dirty dinner dishes and bottles after a loooong day.

New Year... New Blog

Welcome! I'm so glad you found us : )

My name is Dru-Lynn and I am the Director of Women's Ministries at Trinity Bible Church in Phoenix. I'm a young wife and mother and have recently come to the realization that I can't do everything... How many of you have come to that realization, probably dozens of times??

After lots of thinking about what is truly important and worth my time and energy, I have narrowed it down to a few things.

1) Loving the LORD with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

2) Serving my husband and little boy sacrificially.

3) Encouraging the body of believers in simple, practical ways.

Thus, here we are : ) God has given me a love and gift for writing (not necessarily for editing- I've got a sweet husband for that...) I hope to use this blog to encourage your heart. I'll include life experiences where God has taught me lessons, thoughts on Scripture, books and conversations with other women, and questions to think on. I'd love for you to make comments on topics that touch your heart or spur your own thoughts.

This is a work in process- as we share life, love and faith together.

Blessings!

Dru-Lynn

P.S. Remember, I can't do everything, so this blog will be updated at random times. I'm hoping for a couple times a week.