I NEED Him!

My brain has been in overwhelm mode again. Perhaps it has to do with Caleb's birthday party or an influx of pregnancy hormones (and, therefore, worries) or simply that life can be overwhelming.

I explained it to Ross this way: My brain is like a computer. I start thinking about something and that's like when you open a program on the computer. Something else happens, and I have to stop working on one program to work on another. An afternoon goes by and I have 15 programs open and NONE of them are working efficiently because they ALL require full brain capacity.

When this happens, I often end up crying because choosing what we'll eat for the next week is too hard. Something minor like that becomes impossible and I become discouraged.

That's where my brain, and heart, were this morning. Overwhelmed, confused, chaotic disarray. Ross called to check on me at 9am this morning. I told him I had a plan to fix the troubles.

When Caleb laid down for his morning nap, I walked past the sink full of dirty dishes, past the piles of wrapping paper and tissue, past the 50 half-floating helium balloons. I walked straight in our bedroom and found a peaceful spot- on the floor, between the bed and the closet, facing our dresser. Nothing distracting to look at. Nothing to pull from my focus.

I started journalling. I ended up writing 5 pages of just all that was on my heart and mind. I prayed. Asked God to show me the solutions to these many problems. Asked Him for guidance in many relationships. Asked Him to meet me in my weakness. I searched for answers in the Word.

I ended up face flat on the floor, telling the LORD that I need Him- for EVERYTHING.

I think we can easily tell ourselves that we need God for a few things- for salvation, for comfort when people pass on, for direction for MAJOR life decisions, you know. We need God for BIG DEALS.

But the truth is, I need Him for EVERYTHING. I need Him to breathe. I need Him to wash the dishes. I need Him as I choose our meals for the week. I need him to help me reconcile some relationships. I need Him for EVERYTHING.

What peace that realization brought! I don't have to do any of this on my own. The little things, the big things, everything in the middle. He's here and He wants me to be completely dependent on Him.

I got up off the floor, walked out of my bedroom and faced those dirty dishes, piles of paper and balloons. My situation hadn't changed one bit, but my attitude did.

What relief to know we don't have to do any of this on our own! (Insert MASSIVE sigh here :) )

Psalm 40:16-17

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹⁶ But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation always say,
“The LORD be exalted!”

¹⁷ Yet I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O my God, do not delay.