Stupid BP!

I went to see the midwife today. I'm actually seeing a midwife practice and there's no guarantee who will be there when you deliver your baby, so you see them all. Today, I met with a precious lady named Lisa. She was wonderful, a great listener and encouraging to me. It was a great appointment actually, except for my blood pressure...

In case you don't know my BP history- here's a very quick rundown.

When I was about 6 months pregnant with Caleb, my bp was high. My ob didn't like that. The next time, I worried about it and it was still high. This went on and on until I was 39 weeks pregnant and my doctor said that high blood pressure could cause all kinds of problems and he induced me. It wasn't a horrible experience, but not what I had wanted for our birth and, really, not necessary.

2nd baby comes along and I don't want that same experience, so I change to Bethany Women's Center- an awesome midwifery/ob clinic. Everyone there is more naturally focused and super kind, but my bp has still been kind of high, just from fear of what happened last time.

Side note: I have a monitor that I use at home. On average, my bp is about 110/65- which is fantastic.

I've been praying about this situation for a long time now. When I was pregnant with Caleb, my prayers went like this: "Please, LORD, don't let my bp be high!" That was my prayer with my first couple appointments for this baby girl as well.

Then, a couple months ago, the LORD spoke to my heart. The root of my problem is not that my blood pressure is high. It's that I have an anxious heart. And that is not something out of my control. It feels like it is. I feel like I can't control my worries and my emotions and my fears. But that's a lie. I can. And I should.

My new prayer goes something like this: "Please, LORD, teach me to trust you in EVERYTHING. Remind me that you are ultimately in control. You are my shepherd. I don't need to fear. Use the truth in your word to cut out the anxious parts of my heart. "

My bp today was 152 (yikes!) over 68 (awesome!) Which means the LORD is working in me, but I'm still not done conquering this anxiety. The LORD is still not done teaching my heart to trust Him. And there are still fears that I cling to instead of clinging to him.

Can I ask for your prayers? That I would trust the LORD completely, with everything. That I would remember that He loves this little baby girl even more than I do. That His plan will prevail and bring Him glory.

Thanks, friends : )

Proverbs 3:5-6

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.