Postpartum RollerCoaster

It's easy for me to forget that for 95% of you, what I blog is all that you see. So when I blog something tender and honest and saddening, you don't know that things are better until I blog something tender and honest and joyful.

A dear friend came for a visit yesterday and reminded me that my hormones are crashing. She strongly suggested that I not blog while they crash. I have to respectfully disagree with her. I think it's beneficial for you to see this whole roller coaster of emotions. All of you.

There are basically 3 types of people reading my blog:

• Those of you who don't have children yet. You girls are so much on my heart right now!! I want you to see the whole process. The extreme joys and the extreme tears. Our society, honestly, even the church, doesn't talk enough about the long spectrum of emotions that new moms face. All I heard before Caleb was born was that I was going to be a great mom. A few days into motherhood- with a baby that would not eat and would not sleep- I was sure I had failed. It took several months for me to stop crying every day and realize that I was doing the best that I could and that God was redeeming the rest and that was more than enough. I don't want that for you girls. I want you to know some of what to expect- even if it's just to expect the unexpected- so when you're crying at 2am in the morning, you don't feel like a failure- you feel like an exhausted daughter who needs to be leaning on her strong Father.
• Then there are those of you who are right here with me- to quote Rachel Jankovic- we're together here "in the trenches." We need to know that we're not alone. God has given us Christian sisters to lean on, learn from and support. That only happens if we're honest about our situation and our emotions. Satan wants us to suffer alone. God wants us to humble ourselves and for us to let Him use us to bless and encourage one another.
• Finally, there are those of you who are past this stage. You've survived! We need you more than ever. We need to know that we will sleep again, fit in our favorite date night dress again, be able to handle more than just eating, diaper changing and laundry again. And we need you to tell us. With a smile and a hug. And we need to hear it often, because the Enemy is lying to us often. And we need practical help, too. Remember in James' epistle when he asks us what good it is to see a brother in need, tell him to be warm and then walk away without meeting his physical needs? It does a little good to tell a new mom to cheer up and things will get better. It does soooo much good to tell a new mom to cheer up, bring her a meal and hold her baby so that she can take a shower before her husband comes home.
• I guess, there may be 4 groups of people who read my blog. There are the guys, too. I hope my honesty opens your eyes to the women around you. They are just as emotional and up-and-down as I am. I hope my honesty reminds you to be tender towards them. If you are married to "wash your wife in the Word" and to find little, practical ways to show your love (which is a dim, yet beautiful, reflection of the Father's love) for her.

So I'm going to continue blogging. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Today has been very good. Genevieve slept great last night. I got 3 1/2 hours of straight sleep! (Some of you are rejoicing with me, some of you are just remembering what that joy feels like, some of you don't think you could ever survive motherhood. All of those responses are okay : ) )

So she slept well and she is nursing great. Some of that pain has subsided. And she's filling herself up. Her face even looks a little fuller.

And my boys are so sweet. Ross and Caleb have always had a precious relationship, but Caleb is really connecting with his daddy. During the 11pm feeding last night, Ross told me how he likes taking Caleb places. They had gone to the pharmacy for me and Ross was telling me how fun it is to go places with "his little buddy." My heart was filling up : )

Today, my parents are over. Dad held Genevieve so I could take a nice, long shower (I even got to shave my legs!) Now he's helping Ross around the house. Mom's playing with Caleb and working on the laundry.

And I'm sitting here sharing this rollercoaster ride with you. I'm glad you're here. I hope you are enjoying the ride : )