The Simple Life

I haven't blogged in over a week! I'm sure you can imagine that life around here is kinda busy. It often feels like I feed one, then change another. Then feed the second one and change the other. Then I eat something, then it's time for the baby to be fed again... Both babies will nap at the same time in the afternoon (thank God!!) so I nap then too. And then we start the process all over again...

I can choose to look at this situation a couple of different ways-

• I can be negative and think about all the talents God has given me and all the education I have and think that my days should consistent of more than just feedings, diaper changes and naps. This way of thinking is unhelpful, seflish, and inconsistent with the gospel.

• I can be grateful for the simple tasks I have ahead of me. While many others are stressed with responsbilities at school and work and are overwhelmed with the tasks before them, I have such a simple routine. Eat, sleep, change, play.

There were so many days with Caleb that I chose the first way of thinking. And it stole my joy. This season is so short. I know that now.

So today, I'll rejoice in eating and changing. It's not mundane or unimportant. It's simple. It's servanthood. It's sacrifice. It's what God is calling me to do Today. And I will rejoice in it : )

Early Easter Morning

It's early Easter morning. Really early. Like 3am. Genevieve is hungry. But she won't latch. She's just lying there, screaming at me, as I attempt to feed her. Ross is sitting next to me dozing off. I just want to go back to sleep.

"Please, baby girl. Eat. Mommy wants to go back to sleep."

Then a thought enters my mind. A sweet thought. An encouraging thought. A gospel-centered thought.

"Dru-Lynn, I sacrificed my life for you. You can sacrifice a little bit of sleep for her."

My heart is both convicted and elated at the same time. "Yes, Lord. I will sacrifice a little bit of sleep for her. May it glorify and honor you today as we remember all that you gave up for us."

Amen! Happy Easter to you and yours : )

Trip to the ER

Okay, I'm sure the title of this post startled you, so before I get into the details, let's take care of the basic facts:

• Last night, I went to the emergency room. I was admitted, examined by a doctor and discharged all within 2 hours.
• The reason for my visit is, apparently, not that uncommon, even though I had never read anything about it before, nor have I heard anyone talk about it happening to them.
• I am choosing to blog about it because if it ever happens to you- I don't want you to panic, like I did- even though, it's a bit disgusting. Read on at your own risk : )

After you have a baby, your body busily cleans itself out. You basically have a long period which cleans out the lining of your uterus. It starts heavy (really heavy!) and red and then slowly tapers off to pink, then brown, then yellowish.

I had gone through this progression. So I was surprised when I went to the bathroom yesterday afternoon and saw some bright red spots on my pantyliner. I knew that sometimes if you are too active, too soon bleeding can start up again. I told myself that was all it was and that I needed to stop going out of the house. We had planned on going to youth group last night, but I decided that was not a good idea. I called Ross and asked him if we could just stay home and rest. He agreed.

So the four of us (the 4 of us! : ) ) were at home, enjoying dinner and each other's company. At 8pm, I went to use the restroom. When I went to clean myself, I realized that there was something hanging out of me. Very disturbing. It was long, bloody, and flesh-like. It totally freaked me out. I cleaned myself, closed the lid of the toilet, washed my hands and walked out of the bathroom. I told Ross that something scary had happened and I needed to call the midwife. I tried calling her directly and she didn't answer. I then called the after-hours line and left a message. I then waited and waited and waited for someone to call me back. No one ever did.

I have had a really wonderful experience with these midwives. This is, really, the first complaint I have about them...

After waiting around for an hour, and thinking about what was lurking in the toilet, and what else could possibly come out of me, I told Ross, "We need to go to the hospital." "Like, the ER?"he said. "Yes."

"How would that work?" I had been thinking this through in my head for the past hour, so I quickly responded. "We'll call the neighbor and ask her to watch Caleb. Then we'll call your mom to come relieve her. Genevieve comes with us in case she needs to be fed." Ross nodded his head and said okay.

It all worked out like I had imagined and we were in the car in 10 minutes. (Oh yeah. I brought "the specimen" with us.) As we drove down our street, I asked Ross if he could pray and drive at the same time. He nodded and prayed that my body would be well... that if it needed healing that He would do that... Ross prayed that what we were doing was just precautionary.

We walked into the ER together and both stated at the same time that we'd never done this before. We went through the paperwork and triage process. We frowned at the "No children under 12 allowed in patient areas" sign. Would I be seen by a doctor all alone?

As it turns out, Genevieve and Ross could accompany me. Which was wonderful, because there was a LOT of waiting after that. Poor Ross would have worried and poor Genevieve would have starved (not really, but she did get really hungry at one point : ) )

A nurse asked me a bunch of questions. She did not seem too concerned. A doctor came and spoke with me and this was his consensus:

• It's perfectly normal to pass pieces of tissue up to 3 weeks after delivery.
• It looks like I passed a piece of placenta and a part of the bag of waters.
• As long as I am not bleeding heavily, in pain or have a fever, there is nothing to worry about.

The doctor told me that he understood my concern, thought it was wise that I come in to be checked, but that there was really nothing to worry about. I was then discharged.

Honestly, last night's experience was way scarier than delivering Genevieve at home : ) I knew a baby was supposed to come out of me... but not that!

Just in case it ever happens to you- don't panic, but do call your doctor. Hopefully, yours will answer the phone and you won't need to spend $80 to be reassured : )

An Attack on Intimacy

Parenthood has the potential to bring great joy and intimacy into Christian marriages. That's part of God's amazing plan. There's something wonderful about seeing the fruit of your two bodies live and grow. Ross has been humbled and encouraged by the way I have let my body come undone for our babies. I have been challenged and strengthened by the way he so preciously and graciously meets the needs of all 3 of us.

Ross was able to take all last week off to be with us. This was a precious time. Ross and I are dear friends, so even though we didn't go anywhere and slept little- it felt like a vacation- like a getaway with your best friend. It was a sweet time.

He went back to work yesterday and I knew that transition was going to be difficult. It was hard when Caleb was born, too. I didn't know HOW it was going to be difficult though...

All of those good things that happened last week, all that tenderness and intimacy- all of that brings glory to God and joy to His heart. He WANTS married couples to be happy together. That's part of the plan. He challenges us to grow through marriage as well, but it's His desire that we be one and that we enjoy that union. God desires those things.

The Enemy despises them.

He's been nagging at my heart lately, but he went full force yesterday. Throughout all last week, he would whisper things in my ear, trying to make me lose my patience with Ross. Trying to make me angry at the man who so willingly sacrifices himself for me. I had been fighting against those emotions pretty well. Until yesterday.

Last night, when Ross was home with us, as we were all eating dinner as a sweet little family, Satan reminded me of ways that Ross had hurt me in the past. Things that had been confessed and forgiven. Things that didn't matter anymore. Things we had agreed to leave behind. The Enemy kept reminding me of them- trying to cause strife and division among us.

I couldn't help it and started crying- for basically, the rest of the evening. Partly because those memories hurt. Mostly because I felt attacked. A lot of it was simply anger. "Leave me ALONE!" I kept quietly screaming in my head.

Poor Ross. The man does nothing but graciously pour himself out for his family, and yet his wife is in emotional distress.

I told you. Satan is downright mean, an insensitive jerk and a gross liar.

This isn't the first time the Enemy has tried to break apart the intimacy in our hearts. It won't be the last. I've found that prayer- out loud, for Ross to hear, has been the best remedy.

So last night, through tears, I prayed that God would guard my heart against Satan's attacks. That while the Enemy whispered lies, that Christ would scream truth. That I would listen to Jesus. That I would cling to my husband and fight for our marriage, and not give in to fear and discouragement. That I would be oh-so-confident in his love for me.

And I was able to sleep.

My heart is still tender though. Please pray for Ross and me when we come to mind. Pray for joy and intimacy and love. Pray for oneness. Pray for growth through these struggles. Pray for happiness and blessing.

I'll be praying for you and your marriages, too. Perhaps now is a good time for you to reflect on ways in which Satan is trying to divide your hearts. Are you quickly losing patience for your spouse? Are you being reminded of ways he has hurt you? Is it easier for you to see the negative, instead of the positive? Do you spend more time complaining than you do confessing and praying for change?

LORD, marriage is a gift from you. Give us what we need to fight to protect it. Thank you for being with us every step of the way. May you be glorified in our marriages today and every day that follows. Amen!

An Encouraging, Timely Message

Heard a wonderful, timely message this morning at Trinity Bible Church from Hebrews 12. All about how God uses suffering to perfect us. God knew my heart needed to hear that!

Here are a few verses worth meditating on:

Hebrews 12: 1-3
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

The sermon was excellent and definitely worth hearing. It hasn't been posted yet (as of 2:45 on 4-1) but if you click HERE, you will be taken to it when it is ready.

May His truth encourage your heart today!

Becoming Undone

Postpartum can be a rather painful time- physically. I wasn't ready for this with Caleb. You spend all this time preparing for the birth and all this time thinking about caring for a newborn, and maybe 5 minutes reading about how your body is going to recover. Then you have the baby and everything is uncomfortable.

If you've had a baby- you're nodding your head right now- perhaps vigorously. If you haven't, you may be wondering what I am referring to. I'd love to tell you, but this isn't the appropriate place : ) However, I do encourage you to find a godly woman you can trust to ask about it. Beware of women who have NOTHING good to say- that's not helpful. But someone who can be honest, gentle, and hopeful about what your body goes through as it recovers and learns to breastfeed.

One of the MANY benefits of natural childbirth is that the recovery is easier. Because I had been doing certain exercises, I had no rips, tears or stitches. Because I could feel each contraction, and therefore relax through it, I have no lingering pains in my abdomen or back.

However, nursing has caused me some grief. But thanks to lots of ladies who have encouraged me that it doesn't last forever, I am able to press on and feed my baby the best food for her. And even in 6 days, I've seen lots of improvement.

I read something last night that encouraged my heart in this matter and that I wanted to share with you. It just so happens that this woman's timing is the exact same as mine (2 weeks prior to Easter). These thoughts are helping to keep my heart focused.

From Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic:

"My very kind and wise husband once left a note for me on Easter morning, two weeks after Daphne was born. He wrote, 'To my wife, before she even goes near the closet on Easter morning,' or something romantic like that. In it, he encouraged me to realize that there was no more fitting way to celebrate Easter (or any part of the Christian life) than in a body that has been undone on behalf of another."

I teared up when I read that last night and when I had Ross read it and when I type it now. Jesus' body was brutally undone... for us. I may be sore and tired and rundown. I can complain about all of this- or I can rejoice that I am suffering, in such a small way, like Christ did.

Thanks, Jesus- for becoming undone on behalf of me. May I see my own undoing on behalf of Genevieve, not as an inconvenience, but as a noble way to reflect you.

Postpartum RollerCoaster

It's easy for me to forget that for 95% of you, what I blog is all that you see. So when I blog something tender and honest and saddening, you don't know that things are better until I blog something tender and honest and joyful.

A dear friend came for a visit yesterday and reminded me that my hormones are crashing. She strongly suggested that I not blog while they crash. I have to respectfully disagree with her. I think it's beneficial for you to see this whole roller coaster of emotions. All of you.

There are basically 3 types of people reading my blog:

• Those of you who don't have children yet. You girls are so much on my heart right now!! I want you to see the whole process. The extreme joys and the extreme tears. Our society, honestly, even the church, doesn't talk enough about the long spectrum of emotions that new moms face. All I heard before Caleb was born was that I was going to be a great mom. A few days into motherhood- with a baby that would not eat and would not sleep- I was sure I had failed. It took several months for me to stop crying every day and realize that I was doing the best that I could and that God was redeeming the rest and that was more than enough. I don't want that for you girls. I want you to know some of what to expect- even if it's just to expect the unexpected- so when you're crying at 2am in the morning, you don't feel like a failure- you feel like an exhausted daughter who needs to be leaning on her strong Father.
• Then there are those of you who are right here with me- to quote Rachel Jankovic- we're together here "in the trenches." We need to know that we're not alone. God has given us Christian sisters to lean on, learn from and support. That only happens if we're honest about our situation and our emotions. Satan wants us to suffer alone. God wants us to humble ourselves and for us to let Him use us to bless and encourage one another.
• Finally, there are those of you who are past this stage. You've survived! We need you more than ever. We need to know that we will sleep again, fit in our favorite date night dress again, be able to handle more than just eating, diaper changing and laundry again. And we need you to tell us. With a smile and a hug. And we need to hear it often, because the Enemy is lying to us often. And we need practical help, too. Remember in James' epistle when he asks us what good it is to see a brother in need, tell him to be warm and then walk away without meeting his physical needs? It does a little good to tell a new mom to cheer up and things will get better. It does soooo much good to tell a new mom to cheer up, bring her a meal and hold her baby so that she can take a shower before her husband comes home.
• I guess, there may be 4 groups of people who read my blog. There are the guys, too. I hope my honesty opens your eyes to the women around you. They are just as emotional and up-and-down as I am. I hope my honesty reminds you to be tender towards them. If you are married to "wash your wife in the Word" and to find little, practical ways to show your love (which is a dim, yet beautiful, reflection of the Father's love) for her.

So I'm going to continue blogging. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Today has been very good. Genevieve slept great last night. I got 3 1/2 hours of straight sleep! (Some of you are rejoicing with me, some of you are just remembering what that joy feels like, some of you don't think you could ever survive motherhood. All of those responses are okay : ) )

So she slept well and she is nursing great. Some of that pain has subsided. And she's filling herself up. Her face even looks a little fuller.

And my boys are so sweet. Ross and Caleb have always had a precious relationship, but Caleb is really connecting with his daddy. During the 11pm feeding last night, Ross told me how he likes taking Caleb places. They had gone to the pharmacy for me and Ross was telling me how fun it is to go places with "his little buddy." My heart was filling up : )

Today, my parents are over. Dad held Genevieve so I could take a nice, long shower (I even got to shave my legs!) Now he's helping Ross around the house. Mom's playing with Caleb and working on the laundry.

And I'm sitting here sharing this rollercoaster ride with you. I'm glad you're here. I hope you are enjoying the ride : )