Dancing Through the Decades!

I hope you are planning on joining us Friday night for

Dancing Through the Decades.
The evening begins at 7pm at Trinity Bible Church.

FREE Childcare will be available.

Here are a few reasons why I am excited:

- A chance to dance with my husband.

- A chance to dress up.
I am NOT going to look ridiculous that night : )
I have a dress that looks very Jackie Kennedy.
I'm excited to look classy.

- An opportunity to have fun with other Trinity members.

Hope to see you there!

Let's Get Together (yeah, yeah, yeah)

In case you have forgotten, one of the best things you can do for your heart is to share it with others.

Last week, I had the opportunity to sit down with a fellow mom and just talk about life. We talked about our kids and the joy and the frustration that they bring. We talked about our husbands and the joy and the frustration that they bring : ) We talked about making decisions for our family based on what other people think we should do. We talked about "mommy guilt"- this false sense of guilt that mommies get when they see others being "better" moms. (You know, the ones who breastfeed, use cloth diapers, make their own baby food, home school their kiddos, all that good, but not imperative stuff...)

Those few hours were so refreshing to my heart. I encourage you to hang out with somebody soon and share your heart with them. If that seems like too much to cram into your schedule, write "Coffee Night!" on your calendar on Thurs. March 10th. Join a bunch of women from 7-9pm at Trinity House. It'll be fun, guaranteed!

My heart was also encouraged Saturday evening. Ross and I hosted two young couples- one that has been married for a couple of years and one that will be married in a couple of months. They loved on Caleb, asked a billion questions about babies and shared lots of laughs with us. It was so good for Ross and my hearts. It is good to have friends and it is good to share time with them.

I also encourage you to think about some people that your family can spend time with together. Invite people over for dinner, pull out a board game and share life and laughs.

You'll be glad you did : )

Marriage Conference

Maybe you've noticed the small blurb in the church bulletin or the note in the weekly update e-mails. Trinity is joining Sovereign Grace Church in Gilbert for a marriage conference April 29th & 30th. We know it will be at the church in Gilbert and that Gary and Betsy Ricucci will be teaching. But we don't know many other details... yet : )

Maybe you are like me and enjoy learning how to make your relationships the best they can possibly be. Perhaps you also do your best to guard your marriage- to protect it from the schemes of the evil one. You want to make your husband happy and you want him to be happy in you, so you are constantly checking how your communication, conflict resolution and physical intimacy are working. Maybe you're not as anal as me : )

Perhaps your husband is like Ross. Very go-with-the-flow. Things are fine. They're always fine as long as I say they are. We don't need to think about details. We said we'd love each other forever so we do. It's all good.

(FYI: Most of our conflicts come from this difference in attitude. Me: Very aware and concerned. Ross: Very relaxed and well, unaware...)

I've been mentioning to Ross how I would like to go to this conference. How we could leave Caleb with a sitter for the night. How he and I could go to Gilbert Friday evening, stay the night in a hotel and finish up the conference Saturday morning. (Does this sound refreshing and romantic to you? It sure does to a new mom!!)

Do you know what he said? He wanted to know who I was going to go with!! He said he'd be happy to stay in a hotel with me, but who was I going to go to the conference with?!?

This conversation happened pre-emotional breakdown. After that, he's been much more sensitive. He said he'd go with me : )

Perhaps you have a husband like mine, who really gets nervous when you start talking about making your marriage better. And maybe yours, like mine, would rather make fun than make any changes.

Would you join me in praying for our husbands? That's what I have been doing. Praying that Ross would see that our marriage is a precious gift from God, but not one that is infallible- not one that is perfect- but one that needs constant care and attention.

Maybe you're the one who is nervous about going. I've skimmed the Ricucci's book and it looks excellent. Like other Sovereign Gracers (Ross and my loving term for them : )) they talk about how the gospel applies to marriage. It's solid biblical stuff. I'm sure it will be encouraging, not burdensome.

I'm excited for couples at Trinity to have this opportunity to step back from the busy world and to recommit themselves to each other and to Christ. I'm sure God is happy, too! : )

P.S. We really don't know many details yet. When we do, I'll be sure to post them here.

Rediscovering Us

It's been 5 months since Caleb was born. He has brought so much joy to our little family. However, contrary to popular belief, we do still remember what life was like without him...

We stayed in bed as long as we wanted to on Saturdays. We'd go on dates that last 5+ hours. We could do what we wanted, when we wanted just because we wanted to. Ross and I weren't quite ready for that freedom to disappear, especially as quickly as it did.

Ross is wonderful at adjusting to situations and accepting reality. Me, not so much. The past 5 months, he has adjusted well to being a dad- getting up in the middle of the night, and early on Saturday and waiting around for a babysitter before we can actually go on a 2 hour date. He's so good at accepting life for what it is and making the best of it.

I, on the other hand, am a dreamer. I'm the "remember when" and the "someday" kind of a girl. I love Caleb with all that I have, but it's hard for me to not think about the past sometimes.

And, the reality is that Ross and I don't have as much time together, especially "just us" time. And that can change relationships- it had changed ours.

So, Thursday evening, Ross and I were standing in the kitchen. He was holding Caleb close and making him laugh. He said something to me, I don't even remember what, that would have been funny, had I not felt like he and I had been so distant from each other. He knew something was up when I gave him a frown instead of a smile. He walked towards me and I just started bawling.

Hysterically. Shoulders shaking, tears streaming, hysterical bawling. I was out of control.

"I don't feel like you love me anymore. I mean, I know you love me. You take care of me and Caleb. You go to work. You help us at home. I know you love us. But are you 'in-love' with me?" I manage to communicate through the streams of tears. "We never have time to snuggle. You're always holding Caleb. I want you to hold me. I want you to be 'in love' with me. I want us to do something romantic."

Poor Ross was taken off guard. He held me close and said "Oh, baby. Of course I'm in love with you."

And life has been so much better ever since. I felt like I had been leaving lots of hints about my feelings. But men don't read hints very well. Don't judge them and say they should. They don't. God didn't make them that way. And that's exactly why God gave Ross and I a divine appointment of utter, uncontrollable bawling.

What is there to learn from this?

1) Let it out. Your husband and God need your complete honesty. Let the tears and the words flow.

2) Don't let your relationship get stagnant. Guard it. Your marriage is so important. Value it. If the "in love" part of your marriage is fading, hurry and do something romantic! Be honest with your husband about how you need that from him.

3) This wasn't the first time Ross and I had talked about this. (It was the first time I went crazy, though : ) ) If you feel like your husband isn't listening (which I had felt for a while) ask God to soften his heart and open his ears towards you. It's God's desire that your marriage be a good one that reflects Him. Then the hard part.... be patient for Him to answer that prayer.

So, now, go. If you and your husband are much in love, thank Him and him for it.

If not, be open with Him and him and be hopeful for the future.

Messing Up My Plans...

Wednesday and Friday of last week were trying days...

Caleb seemed to have regressed some. When he was first born, he loved to sleep on me. It took me at least a month to be able to learn how to sleep under him. For a few months, each of his naps would be taken in my arms. After a little while, I figured out that I could hold him in the crook of my right arm and hold a book open in my left. While it seemed frustrating at first (there are so many other things I could be doing!!!) I learned to appreciate the chance to slow down every few hours.

Then Caleb grew up and started napping in his crib- and I had all kinds of freedom. During naps, I could actually get stuff done around here! I loved that opportunity and embraced it eagerly.

Well... last week, Caleb decided he didn't want to be laid down for naps anymore. My arms are too comfy, I guess. So I would rock him to sleep, gingerly lay him down, he'd open his eyes wide and start screaming. I'd then pick him back up, rock him again, he'd sleep, lay down and scream again!!

Talk about major frustration. Because, while I was rocking him, I was creating a mental list of all the things I wanted/needed to do while he was sleeping. When he would wake up, I would cringe over the thought of all those things that "needed" to get done that he just messed up.

This is what Wednesday looked like. Thursday was better (on this front) but Friday, he did it all over again. This time, I altered my attitude, however. I remembered those days when Caleb was in the right arm and a book was in my left. I embraced the chance to slow down a bit and enjoy my son.

What circumstances or people are "messing up" your mental lists? Should we respond in anger? Or should we meet the changes with a happy heart?

I am convinced that the plans that the LORD has for our lives include such little, humble tasks as rocking a baby, stopping to talk with a chatty neighbor, and the like. Look for such opportunities, and the chance to be happy about them : )

Lots of Thoughts...

This past week has been full of experiences and teachable moments. And I've wanted to share many of them with you, but have felt like they have been so random, and not exactly "on topic" for what we've been discussing here.

But I think they will touch your heart.

So, here goes. I am going to post as much as I can now. Caleb is happily playing on the floor next to me. We'll see how far we can get : )

Enjoying Our Children

If we look back at our 7 virtues from Titus 2, we'll find that the 2nd command is to love our children. Again, this can seem sort of ridiculous.

Of course I love them, I carried them for 9 months, didn't I? I bore the pain of childbirth, didn't I? I change their diapers. I get up in the middle of the night with them... several times, if necessary. Of course I love them.

Maybe you have teenagers. Your list sounds more like: I choose my battles, I let them stay out till 11 (and wait up the whole time for them), I deal with attitudes and talking back. I feed them and their friends...

Again, the Greek word used here is phileo- an enjoyment kind of love. We aren't just called to care for our children, to sacrifice ourselves for them. We are called to like them.

Sometimes this is simple. Just a couple minutes ago, Caleb was lying on the floor- smiling at me. I bent down and showered him with kisses. He laughed. No problem with enjoyment there.

A few nights ago, however, Caleb woke up at 3am and would not go back to sleep. I need my sleep. The fact that he takes it away has been very difficult for me. I found myself getting angry at my sweet son. Literally angry. I wanted to tell him to shut up and go to sleep.

How horrible! How evident is my dirty sin! I began praying a simple, but profound prayer:

"Lord, help me to value my son more than I value my sleep."

I've prayed that prayer several times in the past few days. Caleb is infinitely more valuable than a few minutes or even hours of sleep. Yet my heart gets confused. It's easy to not enjoy him during those times.

But I am called to love him- to enjoy him- always.

May the LORD teach us how to enjoy our children.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Proverbs 31:10-12 says:

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

How can you bring your husband good, not harm, today?

And always?

Happy Valentine's Day! Hope your day is filled with blessings and love- if not from your husband, always from your Father in Heaven, who loves you unconditionally!!

(This concludes our discussion on loving our husbands... for now, I'm sure it'll come up again!)

Dancing Through the Minefields

I just got a new CD and I absolutely love it! It's called Counting Stars by Andrew Peterson. The 2nd song was written for his wife. It is marvelous and makes me cry every time.

The chorus goes like this:

We went dancing in the minefields.

We went sailing through the storm.

It was harder than we dreamed.

I believe that's what the promise is for.

Listen to it here. (Oh my gosh, the video is beautiful! Grab your tissues, ladies!!)

Thank God for your husband -for someone to dance through the minefields with : )

Exceeding Our Expectations

On Wednesday evening, several ladies stopped by our I Heart My Husband event. We had a great time chatting about our husbands and making valentine's cards for them.

One of my favorite questions that was asked was...

"In what way has being married to your husband EXCEEDED your expectations??"

Women generally come into marriage with a long list of things they expect their new husband to do- and when he doesn't do those things, disappointment and tears generally follow. In my case, I didn't even realize I had some expectations, until Ross didn't meet them. I think this is why most couples have a difficult 1st year. It's 12 whole months of figuring out what we thought would happen vs. what is really happening...

So I thought this question would produce good conversation. And it did : )

One woman shared that after 20 years of marriage, her husband still adored her. She hadn't expected that!

Here's my answer, which I did not share in such detail, because both my mom and mother-in-law were listening intently, and I couldn't do it with a straight face : )

When Ross and I first got married, we went through the normal period of trying to figure out the whole lovemaking thing. I hadn't expected it would take so long to figure out. But after 3+ years of practicing, of awkward conversations, of laughing and crying together, I can now say that my husband knows me well. He finds pleasure in pleasing me and does it selflessly. I feel safe and beautiful in his arms. I understand that God made intimacy as a lovely gift. My husband has exceeded my expectations. I never knew lovemaking could be so beautiful, comforting and fun!

So.... how has your husband exceeded your expectations? I'd really like to hear your answers!
Please leave a comment : )

Think Lovely Thoughts

Philippians 4:8 says:

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

What does this have to do with our marriages?

You may remember the heart issues that I was having a week ago (and in 2007, last year, two days ago and probably next month... I have a CHRONIC heart condition... : ) )

Anyhow, most of the issues that I was having had to do with what I was thinking about. I was letting angry thoughts take root in my heart. Instead of thinking lovely and admirable things about Ross, I was focusing on ugly, sinful things.

It was easier to focus on how we was dishonoring me, rather than remembering the hundreds of times that he sacrifices himself for me or is kind to me without asking.

Thinking all those angry thoughts was getting me nowhere. I continued to be angry and hurt. So finally, the day that I wrote that post, I also wrote my dear Ross a note. It was simply a list of ways that he is good to me. It included things like his extreme faithfulness, his gracious heart towards our son, and his tenderness towards me.

Once I got my mind thinking lovely, pure, admirable thoughts, my heart began to feel lovely, pure, admirable emotions. I am now "in love" with my husband again. (I'm sure you know that feeling... of course my love for him never ever left, I just wasn't enjoying him, like I should...)

Now... what are you thinking about? Are you thinking about how good your husband is? About the gift that he is to your life? Or are you thinking about how he hurt you this morning, or the ways is which he was let you down?

Satan rejoices when we let our minds be poisoned with such thoughts.

The LORD rejoices when we focus on beautiful things and place all our cares on Him : )

P.S. Looking for a way to get your heart and mind focused on the ways in which your husband has been a blessing? Join us tomorrow night at I Heart My Husband!

I Heart My Husband!

We've sure done a lot of talking lately about our husbands and how we can do them good.

It's even better to get together and talk face-to-face about what we're learning.

So...

Women's Ministry is hosting a mini-event tomorrow evening

Wed. February 9th

Drop in anytime between 5:30-8:30 PM

Trinity Bible Church

Room 200 (the old library)

We are going to have conversation corners set up where you can chat with a friend about things you admire about your husband, how the 2 of you met, things you'd like prayer for, etc.

You also can make a Valentine card for your hubby.

And we'll have coffee, tea, and goodies available.

Sounds like a good time to get your heart straight to me!

Practicing What I Preach

I haven't blogged for a while and the honest reason is because I was having a hard time putting into practice what I wanted to share with you.

Here's a small glimpse into the Gentle home and my heart...

On Friday, I decided to do the laundry. For the past year or so, that's been Ross' job. He is kind of particular about it and likes to take things out of the dryer at various times and hangs them to dry. When I was teaching, and spent a good chunk of Saturday writing lesson plans, the idea of being that cautious with the laundry was daunting. He agreed to do it for us. And I am thankful for his work.

But now with Caleb around, and his never-ending feeding/sleeping/playing schedule and the laundry cycles.... our Saturdays get eaten up so quickly. So I decided to carefully do the laundry on Friday so that we could do something other than feed the baby and wash the clothes on Saturday.

Well... I'm not as cautious as Ross and left a couple things in too long, which resulted in some slightly wrinkly polo shirts. Not a huge deal. Not something that our iron can't fix. I didn't stress over it and was proud of the 3 loads I had done- the clean clothes and the clean sheets.

When Ross came home, it was pretty obvious that the laundry had been completed. Because it wasn't really complete.... I had started folding but hadn't finished, so it was lying out on a couch for his eyes to see. And, really, just waiting for a thank-you.

A thank-you was not what I received, however. Ross likes to joke around and does so often and lovingly. It's one of the ways he shows affection. So about an hour after he has gotten home he says, "How'd this shirt get so wrinkly anyway?"

He had a huge smile on his face and I had tears streaming down mine. This resulted in, really, a whole weekend of frustration, failed communication and stubbornness.

I claimed that all I wanted was a little bit of appreciation- for him to express happiness in what I did for him, cause I sure do a lot of him and he should really be thankful- that he didn't know how good he had it.

Sin... sin... sin....

My sadness and bad mood really comes from a heart that's more concerned about ME and that I am getting the praise that I think I deserve. It's really hard during those times to think about HIM and what HE does and the praise I should be giving HIM.

(Now, really, my heart's desire to be appreciated, loved and valued is not wrong- but if it is keeping me from expressing love to my husband, and keeping me from praising God for the good that He is working in our marriage, then it is SIN!!)

So that's where my heart is right now. Trying to recalibrate itself to think about God's goodness, the ways that Ross is gracious to me and trusting that God knows my heart's desires and that He can work in Ross' heart to express gratitude to me.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one with these kinds of problems... If you are going through a similar situation, where it sure is easier to be angry and disappointed with your husband than to love him, be encouraged that LOVE is what God wants you to do, and it's hard, but worth it ; )