I wanted something from him and felt that it was a need that must be met quickly.
He saw it as a desire that could most certainly wait.
I thought he was being stubborn and insensitive.
He thought I was being childish and selfish.
(In the grand scheme of things, we are probably both right on all accounts.)
Late night conversations like this make the next morning hard. He leaves early for work- where he will be distracted for 8+ hours and I stay at home where I will dwell on it for 8+ hours.
As I've said, we've had this conversation several times before, so I've experienced this "morning after" situation several times before. This morning, I decided I wanted it to be different. I didn't want to be tearful throughout the day, didn't want to replay the conversation in my head, didn't want to reargue my points. He is not here to discuss it with me. I must move on.
It is so easy, at times like this, to dwell on his sin. (Not mine, of course, but his). This is not beneficial. Yes, my husband is a sinner- but if forgiveness and reconciliation are going to happen- I need to let that sin go.
This is not easy. However, when we look at the fullness of Christ, like we did yesterday, it becomes far easier.
I am hurt because it feels like Ross doesn't understand my needs and desires. But Christ does. He understands them better that I do, actually.
I am hurt because I feel like Ross is being insensitive. But Christ cares for me more than I can ever know. Although he is above all things- his thoughts are on me.
I am hurt because I feel like Ross will not sacrifice a little of what he wants for what I want. But Christ has withheld nothing from me- actually giving His life for me on the cross.
I will dwell on these truths today and pray that the LORD softens my heart- so that when Ross comes home tonight, I am not a wife full of bitterness and sadness, but rather forgiveness and hope.
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