Sacrificing Sleep

One of the things that I learned when Caleb was an infant, was that it was okay to not attend social events because of his schedule.  Nap time became nearly sacred.  If he didn't rest, then he was grouchy.  If I didn't rest, then I was an emotional wreck come dinner time.  Nap time was super important.  So I protected it, even if it disappointed people.  A dear friend told me not to worry about it.  "They don't have to live with the consequences," she said, "You and Ross do.  So do whatever is best for your family."

And I follow that advice.  Sorry, but if you want to meet up with me, it needs to be in the morning.  You are welcome to come to our home anytime, but if it's around 2 pm, no one's going to be awake : )

The past week, though, has been full of important once-in-a-lifetime events.  Weddings, graduations, out-of-town guests.  (I pray visiting with them happens again in this lifetime : )  it just only happens every few years...)

So I sacrificed precious sleep to be with people during the special moments in their lives.

And it was good.
And it was exhausting.
But we've mostly recovered : )

So I haven't been blogging because I've been running around the valley.  (Almost literally.  I've been from El Mirage to Gilbert... I drove though, I didn't run : ) )

But it's been a good lesson for my heart.
Saying no to people can be hard- but it's a good lesson in not fearing man.
Saying yes to people can be hard- but it's a good lesson in flexibility and trusting that the LORD is going to honor my sacrifice of sleep and give me the strength to make it through.

I'm happy to announce that He did just that : )




P.S.  I have some cool opportunities to give the gospel messages at VBS this year and to co-lead a girls' bible study through Ruth.  I'll blog when I can, but I have lots of lesson planning to do!!

A Truth About Marriage: Part Three

Truth #3: Don't forget who you are fighting for and who you are fighting against.

So as God perfects us to be more like His Son (Truth #1) and as He uses hard things to bind ourselves together (Truth #2) He brings glory to Himself.  Lots of glory.

People look at strong Christian marriages and they ask questions.  How come she doesn't nag you all the time? (Because God is developing patience in her heart.)  Why is it so easy to get your husband to commit to a local church? (Because God is building him up to be the spiritual leader in our home.)   When you two disagree, you do it so respectfully.  How do you manage that? ( God is teaching us to honor one another and to cultivate peace in our home.)

I could go on and on with examples.  When two people who love the LORD honor him and each other through marriage, it sets an example of the gospel- and people notice it.  Most see it as a beautiful thing.  The LORD certainly does.  It brings Him much joy.

But there is one person who hates it very, very much.  Can you guess who?

Satan.

The last thing he wants is for God to receive glory and for the gospel to be honored.  So he fights hard against it.  He lies to us.  He discourages us.  He sends more challenging trials our way.  He keeps pointing out our spouse's faults.

And if we are not careful, we can start listening to him.  And sometimes, we can start to believe that the man that God made us one with, is our enemy.  This leads to all kinds of trouble...  anger, strife, all kinds of fighting. We are fighting the wrong person!

We must not let this happen.  We must know Satan's schemes and have plans to defeat them.  He only has a few tactics, but I'm sure he uses certain ones on certain people.

He loves to tell me that Ross really doesn't love me.  Because if Ross really did love me... he'd say it more.  And when he did say it, he'd say it more passionately.  And he'd be more romantic.  And...

And I just have to tell Satan to shut up.

But if I don't do it fast enough, I start questioning Ross and feeling disappointed and hurt about A BUNCH OF LIES!!

And how do we defeat Satan's lies?  With the truth.  The truth about our husbands- but most importantly- the truth about our Savior.  We ask Jesus for help.  We ask Him to guard our hearts against the lies.

I've done that several times.  Satan's favorite time to lie to me is late at night when Ross has just fallen asleep.  (If he really loved me, he wouldn't fall asleep while I was talking to him... SHUT UP!!)  Sometimes, I'm just too tired to fight, and I just ask Jesus to fight off Satan for me.  "Please guard my heart.  Stand in the gap and fight for me, please!"  And He does.  And my heart is filled with peace and I can go to sleep.

When I shared all of this with Marisa- the bride-to-be, I encouraged her to pray, pray, pray for her marriage, for her husband, and for her heart.  To pray the truth of Scripture over them.  The word of the LORD sends Satan running.  Here are the Scriptures we prayed for her.  I encourage you to pray them over your marriage as well.

Proverbs 5:15-18- Pray for sexual faithfulness and satisfaction within your marriage.
Ephesians 5:22-24- Pray that the wife would have a submissive heart.
Ephesians 5: 25-27- Pray that the husband would be loving and a spiritual leader in the home.
Psalm 127: 3-5- Pray for the blessing of children!
Titus 2:4-5-Pray for older women mentors and for a heart that loves their husband and children, that's self-controlled, pure, busy at home, kind and submissive.

So start fighting the good fight- against Satan- with your husband- not against him!

Summer Cookin'

Here's the menu tonight at our house:

Skilled-cooked boneless pork chops (they're on sale at Sprouts for $2/lb!!)
Homemade rice pilaf (a million times tastier than a box... and really not much more trouble.)
Steamed broccoli (for good health : ) )

And while that sounds and smells delicious... my thermometer is reading 102 degrees outside and 84 in.

Summer cooking in Arizona can be so... very... sweaty.  (Ick!)

So here's my question for you:

What yummy dinners do you like to prepare in the summer that require very little heat?

One of our favorites is chicken salad sandwiches (I am blessed to have a husband that likes "girl food").

As I wipe my brow, I'm wondering why I'm not making it tonight.  Oh, well, perhaps next Tuesday??

A Truth About Marriage: Part Two

Truth #2:  God is working to make you and your husband one.  He does this in weird ways...

On our wedding day, when we promise before God and a bunch of people, that we will love our spouses always and be faithful to them, God immediately makes our hearts one.  So oneness is an immediate state- but also a perpetually growing state.  It's a lifelong process.

We'd like to think that the things that develop intimacy between man and wife are fun things.  Sometimes they are.  Ross and I have ongoing conversations about things that are important to us.  If you were to jump into one of them, you might be lost- because we've already spent hours and hours thinking through things together.  Physical intimacy is a fun thing to develop.  Ross knows my body like no one else does.  And all of that discovering was always super fun, right?

Or did some of that intimacy- that oneness- come from not-so-fun endeavors?  Every couple has some experiences where someone felt pain or disappointment.  Someone may end up crying or blushing.  That's when true intimacy happens.

And a lot of intimacy happens outside the bedroom- in similar, not-so-perfect circumstances.  Sure, oneness comes as you celebrate a promotion together- but it comes way faster when someone faces unemployment.  Common friendships bond hearts- but the loss of a common friend can create a permanent tie.

I can think of three couples, off the top of my head, who have lost children at very young ages.  Praise God that both spouses knew the LORD and trusted Him.  While such a situation in a non-Christian marriage, almost always leads to divorce- these couples know an intimacy that the rest of us lack.  And that precious intimacy came from a horrible, tragic, heartbreaking event.

And that's how our good God works!

Satan sneaks in, ready to steal, kill and destroy and God says, "Thank you very much.  I will take this awful thing, use it to bind their hearts together and bring much glory to myself."

Remember this the next time something hard happens.  When you and your husband are pulling your hair out trying to discipline your children.  When money is too tight for a night out alone.  When you find out one of you is terminally ill.

Don't run away from those trials.  Hold hands tight and run to Jesus together.  Then be on the look-out for the intimacy He develops in your hearts.  He will do it.  For your good and for His glory.

A Truth About Marriage: Part One

At last week's bridal shower, I had the opportunity to share 3 truths with the bride.  I told her that I was so glad that I had that opportunity- because I needed to remind myself of a few things as well!

Isn't it so easy, when you are married, to fall into lies and discouragement?  I hope this post (and the two to follow, hopefully :) ) will bring hope to your heart!

Truth #1: God did not create marriage primarily for our happiness, but our holiness.

Satan lies to us from several angles in this regard.  When we are little girls, we hear fairy tales where Prince Charming comes, marries the girl and they live (say it with me now...) "Happily Ever After!"  When we're older- a small part of our heart is convinced that if we could just get a man to commit to us... we'd be happier.

Yet, at the same time, Satan's telling men that marriage will weigh them down.  That it won't be any fun.  Girls are sitting around waiting for marriage so their happy life can start.  Men drag their feet, because they're convinced as soon as they do, their happy life will end.

But the truth, my friends, is that marriage IS a happy establishment.  God saw that it wasn't good for Adam to be alone.  Life in the perfect garden with the perfect God- was still a little lonely.  God gave Eve to Adam as a gift- a gift of happiness.

I told Marisa last week that marriage is full of happy moments.  If you are married, take a minute to think of them.  The joy of your wedding day.  The sweetness of late night conversations.  The moments when you know what each other is thinking.  The simple pleasure of a quiet dinner together.  The exhilaration of love making.  The excitement of delivering a baby together.  Marriage is a happy thing.

Sometimes.

While God did mean for marriage to be a glorious, happy institution- that's not all He is concerned with.  Mature Christians know this full well- my happiness is not his top priority.

He is, however, extremely concerned with my sanctification.  Am I becoming more like His son Christ Jesus?  Am I producing fruit?  These questions are in the forefront of His mind.

And marriage is the perfect institution to develop character and fruit.

If you are married, take a minute to think of the last time you had to be loving towards your selfish husband, or joyful while doing what he wanted to do, or peaceful when you just wanted to scream, or patient when he wasn't doing things your way, or kind when he had just hurt your feelings, or good when you wanted to be bad, or gentle when harsh words filled your mind, or faithful when surely it would be more fun to be married to anybody else or self-controlled when you wanted to explode in anger.

These are some pretty vivid examples, but I'm sure you're nodding your head at at-least one of them.  (I'm working hard on the patience one...)

Now take a minute to think of what you would have been nodding your head to when you were first married.   Are things any different now?  Has your character been developed?  Even just a little more patient, or kind or loving or gentle?

See.  God knew what He was doing.  Isn't He good?  He's at work.  Rejoice as He perfects you.   Character is developed in lots of different ways- in lots of different situations.  Christians grow through trials and persecutions.  While walking through the valley of the shadow of death.

I'm thankful that I can grow a little bit, each day, as I hold hands with my best friend.  And I'm thankful God is at work perfecting him, too... as he deals with sinful little me!

Overflowing Truth

I love what happens when you saturate your heart with the truth- when you pour it into your mind and soul.  It just kinda spills out unexpectedly.

This morning, I was writing in a graduation card for one of our highschool students.  I wanted to encourage her to trust in the LORD always.  I learned that hard and fast during my college years and I wanted her to know that He is fully trustworthy.

So I put my pen to the paper and these words flowed out:

He knows you best
And loves you most
And all His ways are good.

I hope she clings to those truths found in Psalm 139, John 3:16 and Jeremiah 29:11.
I hope you have a chance to meditate on them today.

I'm so glad that they are ingrained so deep in my heart that they just flow out : )

Please Clean My... Heart

Thanks so much for commenting yesterday!  It was fun to read your tips on keeping your house in order.  And it was interesting to see how at different stages in family life, cleaning looks different.  I eagerly await the day when the little hands around here can help- and when I can clean while they sleep.  (Right now- it's all about sleeping when they're sleeping!!) 

I'm glad the mommies who work full-time commented, too.  It's wonderful that you can hire someone to help or simply accept the fact that the house is going to be a little messy during this stage. 

All of this reminded me that I forgot to mention the most important part:

Aren't you glad God is more concerned with the condition of our hearts than the condition of our homes??

He's looking for hearts that love Him above all else.
He's looking for hearts that happily help their husbands.
He's looking for hearts that are submissive to His will.
He's looking for hearts that sacrificially love the children that He has given them.
He's looking for hearts that eagerly open their home and share their resources.

So the physical things we do are important.  Our families should be able to walk around our homes without fear of tripping over a million things.  We should be able to prepare food in a relatively sanitary kitchen.  We should be able to wear non-smelly clothes : )

But in the end, God is not looking at how clean, or unclean, our homes are.  He's looking at how clean, or unclean, our hearts are.  And He's the only one who can scrub those clean. 

He's really great at it, too.  You simply have to ask him : )

Psalm 51^[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is^[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.

¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

My Busy Day

Sometimes I wonder if you all wonder if I actually do what I say I want to do - if I really follow through with things.  Today, I did.  I want to share that joy with you and also ask you for some input : )

Today was my "busy at home" day.  It was actually quite productive.  Which is surprising with a 20-month-old and a 7-week-old.  There have been many days when I've wanted to be productive and all that's been done is mess-making and hair-pulling-out-ing... 

But today was good.  I was able to focus.  Caleb was content playing alongside my working.  And I figured out a system with Genevieve that worked well. 

So I am pleased- knowing that a day this productive doesn't come along very often. 

Now I have questions for you.  Think back to one of your most productive "busy at home" days.

What made it so productive? 
Do you tackle everything in one day or do you spread it out? 
If you spread things out- what does that look like?
How do you fit in cleaning and organizing with everyday activities?
How do you keep your kids (or husband or whomever...) from immediately undoing what you just did?
Or... if that is impossible- how do you guard your heart from discouragement when that happens?

I want to hear from you!  And I want you to be able to share your tips and learn from others.

My day was most productive for 2 reasons. 

1) All I had on the agenda today was to clean.  No plans to go anywhere or see anybody.  I didn't even talk on the phone or open the computer till noon.  That's how I stay focused.  Getting started right away and not interrupting myself!

2) The Moby wrap.  It's a large piece of fabric that you wrap around yourself and then you are able to "wear" your baby.  It kept Genevieve happy, close and safe from her big brother.  : ) It also gave me a little more of a workout while cleaning.  I'm all about multitasking.

So... how do you make it work?  : )

Shower Rules

Growing up, I always attended bridal and baby showers with my family.  They thought it was important that I learn how to behave myself at such lady-like functions.  I always enjoyed myself (what fun to think of getting married and having babies some day!) and always asked plenty of questions (why did somebody give Aunt Kim pajamas that looked like a silky bikini?) 

Through all these experiences, I learned that there are some "rules" about showers.  Here are just a few:

1) Showers are about presents.  That's the point.  If you aren't going to bring a present, don't come.

2) You only invite people to showers if they are invited to the wedding.  To get a shower invite without a wedding invite is rude.

3) You only get one baby shower.  Doesn't matter how many babies you have.  Maybe, just maybe you'll have a second one if your second baby is a different kind than your first baby.  Maybe.

4) If the host has lots of money, she'll feed you lunch and cake.  Just a little money?  Just cake.  But there will always, always be cake.

5) It can not be a quick affair.  Plan on at least 2 hours.  If you stay at least 2 hours, you've been polite and you can leave- but don't be surprised if it eats up an entire afteroon. 

I helped host a bridal shower last night for a sweet young girl at church.  We broke several of the rules just mentioned.  (We invited EVERY woman in the congregation!) And we had a fabulous time.  So here's an updated list : )

1) Showers are about blessings.  You can bless with physical gifts, for sure.  But blessings of prayer, support and encouragement are far more important.  While they are not "free" they don't cost a penny.  (A note about physical gifts- group gifts are "IN!"  So give $5 to the host, if that's all you can afford to go towards that vacuum cleaner or double stroller.  Don't not come just because you can't spend $50.)

2) People can't afford to invite everyone they know to their wedding.  Your husband doesn't want to go to everybody's wedding anyway : )  This rule is silly.  Be generous and loving at every opportunity. 

3) If it's all about blessings and not all about presents- then why not have a baby shower for every baby? (Hopefully you have a wedding shower for every wedding- and that should be only one :) )  It's good to be prayed over for every child.  Besides, kids are messy and hard on things.  Every mom could use a few new outfits and a new changing pad, too.

4) Rule number 3 means there will be more showers given and rule number 2 means there will be more invited.  So don't judge the host.  She's just trying to love on a sweet friend.  Ask if you can bring an appetizer to share.  And enjoy your piece of cake : )

5) People are busy.  They have families and homes to care for.  So bless.  Bless well.  Bless quickly.  A game if you must, some time for encouragement and prayer, gifts, then a time of fellowship at the end for women who can stay- a time to escape for women who must go.  No need to take up a whole afternoon or.... what about giving a shower in the evening?? 

I've told you the rules have changed- surely, for the better : )

I'm His Genevieve

When you do something as crazy as having a baby at home, on accident... you're bound to get a bit of criticism. 

"What were you thinking?" 
"Didn't you know you were in labor?" 
"Next time... you should go to the hospital 3 weeks early!"

At 7 weeks postpartum, I can handle the flack pretty well. 

At 2 days postpartum, though, I was blessed with the fact that no one was questioning what I had done.
The 911 operator didn't scold me.
Not one firefighter shamed me.
None of the nurses at the hospital reprimanded me.
The midwife, with eyes wide and bright, simply wanted to hear my story.

No one questioned me- and that was good.  Because the last thing that a new mom needs to hear is that she just did something wrong.

Just one person, a few hours postpartum, showed disapproval of what I had done:

My dad.

"Drusie, didn't we tell you that the 2nd one comes faster?  Baby, why didn't you go to the hospital?" 

At first, I was hurt by these comments.  Didn't he know that this was the coolest thing I had ever done?  We were okay.  Nobody was hurt.  In all actuality, it was fun!

And then I realized it:

I'm his Genevieve.

I'm his baby girl, trying to act like a grown-up.  Never mind that everything turned out fine and it was a good story.  Just the thought- the slightest thought-of something happening to his baby girl- was unbearable. 

There's something so precious about having a baby girl.  It's different than having a boy.  I want Caleb to be strong and manly.  I want him to be brave and fight for what's right.  But Genevieve is like a flower.  Please admire.  Please handle with care.  Don't you dare hurt my baby girl.

So glad I have a Genevieve. 
So glad I'm somebody's Genevieve. 

Bringing My Heart Home

When Ross and I were first married, I LOVED the idea of being a homemaker.  Ross had lived in a house for four years- so I had a real home to decorate and care for.  I loved it.  I spent that first summer and my last semester of college gladly cooking, cleaning and decorating.  It was fun.

Then, I student taught and started teaching school.  I came home so very tired.  I would cook- and that was about it.  Cleaning happened, but only when someone was coming to dinner : )  Decorating stopped almost completely. 

Then Caleb came.  And I was home... constantly.  And I really wanted to be anywhere but home.  It suddenly was so boring and mundane.  Although I was home constantly... caring for him was so overwhelming... again, cooking would happen, but little else.  Cleaning and caring for our home seemed like such a huge task.  And a very not-fun-one at that.

One afternoon, Caleb was sleeping in my arms and I was reading Feminine Appeal-a book we have a love-hate relationship with... (I love it, many of you hate it... we can still all be friends : ) ) The book is an expostion of Titus 2.  I was reading the chapter on "being busy at home." 

I don't know if you know it or not, but in Titus (which is in the Bible :)) women are COMMANDED to be busy at home.  That's so counter-cultural, you know?  Society drives us to be busy everywhere- work, school, shopping, even church- everywhere except home.  Yet, God, in all of His wisdom, tells us to get busy in the simplest place. 

The chapter I was reading encouraged me to change my outlook on housework and homemaking.  Stop looking at it as mundane and boring.  Stop thinking it's too much.  Start loving your husband and your children and honoring your God in the simplest place.  Love the LORD your God by doing the dishes.

I know what I just wrote is so not politically correct.  But it's biblical.  : )

Now let's fast forward 18 months....

Caleb and Genevieve and I were very busy this morning- we were out and about with my mom.  First, the social security office (oh, the joys...) then Target, then lunch and some frozen yogurt (yum!).  A few moments ago, I was sitting on the couch, going over the rest of the week in my head.  Genevieve is getting her pictures taken this week.  We have a few social engagements.  Now, when am I going to mop the kitchen floor?

That thought made me smile so big!  God is doing a good work in my heart!  The thought of mopping the kitchen floor- a year and a half ago- would have made me want to puke.  Now, it's a reasonable thought.  It's a task that needs to be done.  A task that honors my husband and my God.  I need to set aside time to do it : )

Thanks, God, for stirring my heart towards things of you.  Thanks for bringing my heart home : )

The Simple Life

I haven't blogged in over a week! I'm sure you can imagine that life around here is kinda busy. It often feels like I feed one, then change another. Then feed the second one and change the other. Then I eat something, then it's time for the baby to be fed again... Both babies will nap at the same time in the afternoon (thank God!!) so I nap then too. And then we start the process all over again...

I can choose to look at this situation a couple of different ways-

• I can be negative and think about all the talents God has given me and all the education I have and think that my days should consistent of more than just feedings, diaper changes and naps. This way of thinking is unhelpful, seflish, and inconsistent with the gospel.

• I can be grateful for the simple tasks I have ahead of me. While many others are stressed with responsbilities at school and work and are overwhelmed with the tasks before them, I have such a simple routine. Eat, sleep, change, play.

There were so many days with Caleb that I chose the first way of thinking. And it stole my joy. This season is so short. I know that now.

So today, I'll rejoice in eating and changing. It's not mundane or unimportant. It's simple. It's servanthood. It's sacrifice. It's what God is calling me to do Today. And I will rejoice in it : )

Early Easter Morning

It's early Easter morning. Really early. Like 3am. Genevieve is hungry. But she won't latch. She's just lying there, screaming at me, as I attempt to feed her. Ross is sitting next to me dozing off. I just want to go back to sleep.

"Please, baby girl. Eat. Mommy wants to go back to sleep."

Then a thought enters my mind. A sweet thought. An encouraging thought. A gospel-centered thought.

"Dru-Lynn, I sacrificed my life for you. You can sacrifice a little bit of sleep for her."

My heart is both convicted and elated at the same time. "Yes, Lord. I will sacrifice a little bit of sleep for her. May it glorify and honor you today as we remember all that you gave up for us."

Amen! Happy Easter to you and yours : )

Trip to the ER

Okay, I'm sure the title of this post startled you, so before I get into the details, let's take care of the basic facts:

• Last night, I went to the emergency room. I was admitted, examined by a doctor and discharged all within 2 hours.
• The reason for my visit is, apparently, not that uncommon, even though I had never read anything about it before, nor have I heard anyone talk about it happening to them.
• I am choosing to blog about it because if it ever happens to you- I don't want you to panic, like I did- even though, it's a bit disgusting. Read on at your own risk : )

After you have a baby, your body busily cleans itself out. You basically have a long period which cleans out the lining of your uterus. It starts heavy (really heavy!) and red and then slowly tapers off to pink, then brown, then yellowish.

I had gone through this progression. So I was surprised when I went to the bathroom yesterday afternoon and saw some bright red spots on my pantyliner. I knew that sometimes if you are too active, too soon bleeding can start up again. I told myself that was all it was and that I needed to stop going out of the house. We had planned on going to youth group last night, but I decided that was not a good idea. I called Ross and asked him if we could just stay home and rest. He agreed.

So the four of us (the 4 of us! : ) ) were at home, enjoying dinner and each other's company. At 8pm, I went to use the restroom. When I went to clean myself, I realized that there was something hanging out of me. Very disturbing. It was long, bloody, and flesh-like. It totally freaked me out. I cleaned myself, closed the lid of the toilet, washed my hands and walked out of the bathroom. I told Ross that something scary had happened and I needed to call the midwife. I tried calling her directly and she didn't answer. I then called the after-hours line and left a message. I then waited and waited and waited for someone to call me back. No one ever did.

I have had a really wonderful experience with these midwives. This is, really, the first complaint I have about them...

After waiting around for an hour, and thinking about what was lurking in the toilet, and what else could possibly come out of me, I told Ross, "We need to go to the hospital." "Like, the ER?"he said. "Yes."

"How would that work?" I had been thinking this through in my head for the past hour, so I quickly responded. "We'll call the neighbor and ask her to watch Caleb. Then we'll call your mom to come relieve her. Genevieve comes with us in case she needs to be fed." Ross nodded his head and said okay.

It all worked out like I had imagined and we were in the car in 10 minutes. (Oh yeah. I brought "the specimen" with us.) As we drove down our street, I asked Ross if he could pray and drive at the same time. He nodded and prayed that my body would be well... that if it needed healing that He would do that... Ross prayed that what we were doing was just precautionary.

We walked into the ER together and both stated at the same time that we'd never done this before. We went through the paperwork and triage process. We frowned at the "No children under 12 allowed in patient areas" sign. Would I be seen by a doctor all alone?

As it turns out, Genevieve and Ross could accompany me. Which was wonderful, because there was a LOT of waiting after that. Poor Ross would have worried and poor Genevieve would have starved (not really, but she did get really hungry at one point : ) )

A nurse asked me a bunch of questions. She did not seem too concerned. A doctor came and spoke with me and this was his consensus:

• It's perfectly normal to pass pieces of tissue up to 3 weeks after delivery.
• It looks like I passed a piece of placenta and a part of the bag of waters.
• As long as I am not bleeding heavily, in pain or have a fever, there is nothing to worry about.

The doctor told me that he understood my concern, thought it was wise that I come in to be checked, but that there was really nothing to worry about. I was then discharged.

Honestly, last night's experience was way scarier than delivering Genevieve at home : ) I knew a baby was supposed to come out of me... but not that!

Just in case it ever happens to you- don't panic, but do call your doctor. Hopefully, yours will answer the phone and you won't need to spend $80 to be reassured : )

An Attack on Intimacy

Parenthood has the potential to bring great joy and intimacy into Christian marriages. That's part of God's amazing plan. There's something wonderful about seeing the fruit of your two bodies live and grow. Ross has been humbled and encouraged by the way I have let my body come undone for our babies. I have been challenged and strengthened by the way he so preciously and graciously meets the needs of all 3 of us.

Ross was able to take all last week off to be with us. This was a precious time. Ross and I are dear friends, so even though we didn't go anywhere and slept little- it felt like a vacation- like a getaway with your best friend. It was a sweet time.

He went back to work yesterday and I knew that transition was going to be difficult. It was hard when Caleb was born, too. I didn't know HOW it was going to be difficult though...

All of those good things that happened last week, all that tenderness and intimacy- all of that brings glory to God and joy to His heart. He WANTS married couples to be happy together. That's part of the plan. He challenges us to grow through marriage as well, but it's His desire that we be one and that we enjoy that union. God desires those things.

The Enemy despises them.

He's been nagging at my heart lately, but he went full force yesterday. Throughout all last week, he would whisper things in my ear, trying to make me lose my patience with Ross. Trying to make me angry at the man who so willingly sacrifices himself for me. I had been fighting against those emotions pretty well. Until yesterday.

Last night, when Ross was home with us, as we were all eating dinner as a sweet little family, Satan reminded me of ways that Ross had hurt me in the past. Things that had been confessed and forgiven. Things that didn't matter anymore. Things we had agreed to leave behind. The Enemy kept reminding me of them- trying to cause strife and division among us.

I couldn't help it and started crying- for basically, the rest of the evening. Partly because those memories hurt. Mostly because I felt attacked. A lot of it was simply anger. "Leave me ALONE!" I kept quietly screaming in my head.

Poor Ross. The man does nothing but graciously pour himself out for his family, and yet his wife is in emotional distress.

I told you. Satan is downright mean, an insensitive jerk and a gross liar.

This isn't the first time the Enemy has tried to break apart the intimacy in our hearts. It won't be the last. I've found that prayer- out loud, for Ross to hear, has been the best remedy.

So last night, through tears, I prayed that God would guard my heart against Satan's attacks. That while the Enemy whispered lies, that Christ would scream truth. That I would listen to Jesus. That I would cling to my husband and fight for our marriage, and not give in to fear and discouragement. That I would be oh-so-confident in his love for me.

And I was able to sleep.

My heart is still tender though. Please pray for Ross and me when we come to mind. Pray for joy and intimacy and love. Pray for oneness. Pray for growth through these struggles. Pray for happiness and blessing.

I'll be praying for you and your marriages, too. Perhaps now is a good time for you to reflect on ways in which Satan is trying to divide your hearts. Are you quickly losing patience for your spouse? Are you being reminded of ways he has hurt you? Is it easier for you to see the negative, instead of the positive? Do you spend more time complaining than you do confessing and praying for change?

LORD, marriage is a gift from you. Give us what we need to fight to protect it. Thank you for being with us every step of the way. May you be glorified in our marriages today and every day that follows. Amen!

An Encouraging, Timely Message

Heard a wonderful, timely message this morning at Trinity Bible Church from Hebrews 12. All about how God uses suffering to perfect us. God knew my heart needed to hear that!

Here are a few verses worth meditating on:

Hebrews 12: 1-3
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

The sermon was excellent and definitely worth hearing. It hasn't been posted yet (as of 2:45 on 4-1) but if you click HERE, you will be taken to it when it is ready.

May His truth encourage your heart today!

Becoming Undone

Postpartum can be a rather painful time- physically. I wasn't ready for this with Caleb. You spend all this time preparing for the birth and all this time thinking about caring for a newborn, and maybe 5 minutes reading about how your body is going to recover. Then you have the baby and everything is uncomfortable.

If you've had a baby- you're nodding your head right now- perhaps vigorously. If you haven't, you may be wondering what I am referring to. I'd love to tell you, but this isn't the appropriate place : ) However, I do encourage you to find a godly woman you can trust to ask about it. Beware of women who have NOTHING good to say- that's not helpful. But someone who can be honest, gentle, and hopeful about what your body goes through as it recovers and learns to breastfeed.

One of the MANY benefits of natural childbirth is that the recovery is easier. Because I had been doing certain exercises, I had no rips, tears or stitches. Because I could feel each contraction, and therefore relax through it, I have no lingering pains in my abdomen or back.

However, nursing has caused me some grief. But thanks to lots of ladies who have encouraged me that it doesn't last forever, I am able to press on and feed my baby the best food for her. And even in 6 days, I've seen lots of improvement.

I read something last night that encouraged my heart in this matter and that I wanted to share with you. It just so happens that this woman's timing is the exact same as mine (2 weeks prior to Easter). These thoughts are helping to keep my heart focused.

From Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic:

"My very kind and wise husband once left a note for me on Easter morning, two weeks after Daphne was born. He wrote, 'To my wife, before she even goes near the closet on Easter morning,' or something romantic like that. In it, he encouraged me to realize that there was no more fitting way to celebrate Easter (or any part of the Christian life) than in a body that has been undone on behalf of another."

I teared up when I read that last night and when I had Ross read it and when I type it now. Jesus' body was brutally undone... for us. I may be sore and tired and rundown. I can complain about all of this- or I can rejoice that I am suffering, in such a small way, like Christ did.

Thanks, Jesus- for becoming undone on behalf of me. May I see my own undoing on behalf of Genevieve, not as an inconvenience, but as a noble way to reflect you.

Postpartum RollerCoaster

It's easy for me to forget that for 95% of you, what I blog is all that you see. So when I blog something tender and honest and saddening, you don't know that things are better until I blog something tender and honest and joyful.

A dear friend came for a visit yesterday and reminded me that my hormones are crashing. She strongly suggested that I not blog while they crash. I have to respectfully disagree with her. I think it's beneficial for you to see this whole roller coaster of emotions. All of you.

There are basically 3 types of people reading my blog:

• Those of you who don't have children yet. You girls are so much on my heart right now!! I want you to see the whole process. The extreme joys and the extreme tears. Our society, honestly, even the church, doesn't talk enough about the long spectrum of emotions that new moms face. All I heard before Caleb was born was that I was going to be a great mom. A few days into motherhood- with a baby that would not eat and would not sleep- I was sure I had failed. It took several months for me to stop crying every day and realize that I was doing the best that I could and that God was redeeming the rest and that was more than enough. I don't want that for you girls. I want you to know some of what to expect- even if it's just to expect the unexpected- so when you're crying at 2am in the morning, you don't feel like a failure- you feel like an exhausted daughter who needs to be leaning on her strong Father.
• Then there are those of you who are right here with me- to quote Rachel Jankovic- we're together here "in the trenches." We need to know that we're not alone. God has given us Christian sisters to lean on, learn from and support. That only happens if we're honest about our situation and our emotions. Satan wants us to suffer alone. God wants us to humble ourselves and for us to let Him use us to bless and encourage one another.
• Finally, there are those of you who are past this stage. You've survived! We need you more than ever. We need to know that we will sleep again, fit in our favorite date night dress again, be able to handle more than just eating, diaper changing and laundry again. And we need you to tell us. With a smile and a hug. And we need to hear it often, because the Enemy is lying to us often. And we need practical help, too. Remember in James' epistle when he asks us what good it is to see a brother in need, tell him to be warm and then walk away without meeting his physical needs? It does a little good to tell a new mom to cheer up and things will get better. It does soooo much good to tell a new mom to cheer up, bring her a meal and hold her baby so that she can take a shower before her husband comes home.
• I guess, there may be 4 groups of people who read my blog. There are the guys, too. I hope my honesty opens your eyes to the women around you. They are just as emotional and up-and-down as I am. I hope my honesty reminds you to be tender towards them. If you are married to "wash your wife in the Word" and to find little, practical ways to show your love (which is a dim, yet beautiful, reflection of the Father's love) for her.

So I'm going to continue blogging. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Today has been very good. Genevieve slept great last night. I got 3 1/2 hours of straight sleep! (Some of you are rejoicing with me, some of you are just remembering what that joy feels like, some of you don't think you could ever survive motherhood. All of those responses are okay : ) )

So she slept well and she is nursing great. Some of that pain has subsided. And she's filling herself up. Her face even looks a little fuller.

And my boys are so sweet. Ross and Caleb have always had a precious relationship, but Caleb is really connecting with his daddy. During the 11pm feeding last night, Ross told me how he likes taking Caleb places. They had gone to the pharmacy for me and Ross was telling me how fun it is to go places with "his little buddy." My heart was filling up : )

Today, my parents are over. Dad held Genevieve so I could take a nice, long shower (I even got to shave my legs!) Now he's helping Ross around the house. Mom's playing with Caleb and working on the laundry.

And I'm sitting here sharing this rollercoaster ride with you. I'm glad you're here. I hope you are enjoying the ride : )

I told you he was mean...

First off, thank you to all of you who have prayed for my heart and have written/messaged/texted sweet comments. God is using you to encourage me greatly. Last night, everybody slept well and Genevieve nursed like a champ. We are doing great : )

But I have to clarify something...

Last night, while I was typing up my story, I fumbled with what I should do about the youth group part. It really did shock and hurt me that a bunch of jr. highers and high schoolers were asking me if her birth was like a TV show. It FELT like (doesn't mean it was true...) but it FELT like a number of young men weren't able to make eye contact with me. I felt humiliated.

On Wednesday night, I spoke to our youth pastor and told him that I was hurt about what happened. He apologized and I told him it was okay. We agreed that Ross and I could share our story next week with the kids, hoping they would get more out of it. I thought Braden understood that we were okay.

Then someone at church read my blog and told him to read it, too. And now he feels horrible. And he shouldn't.

I told you Satan was mean.

Braden told the kids much more of the story, but the toilet part was what resonated with them. That's not his fault. He had no ill intentions what so ever. He is not completely insensitive. It was a miscommunication.

Go figure. I've never experienced one of those before... : )

So just to clear things up:

• Our youth pastor is not an insensitive jerk.
• Satan is.

And I am not okay with him making us feel guilty and humiliated and trying to separate and cause divisions among us.

Let's keep praying against those things, okay : )

Satan is so mean...

I knew it was going to happen sooner or later.
It always does.
When God is doing amazing things.
Awesome things.
Things that rejuvenate and encourage and bring hope.
Big things.
Things that just couldn't be possible without His hand.
That's when he shows up.
The one that comes only to kill and steal and destroy.
I knew he would show up eventually.
But I didn't know how.
And I didn't know when.
But he did...

Last night, Ross and I thought it would be fun to take the kids to church. On Wednesday nights, our church has a yummy $2 dinner and then different classes for different ages. We volunteer with the highschoolers. I wanted to my girls to get to see her. And I wanted to get out of the house. And I wanted a yummy $2 dinner : )

So we loaded up the kids and went. It felt like we were bombarded in the parking lot. Lots of oohhs and aahhs. Lots of questions. Lots of "you're crazy"s. Several women told me that they had read our story and were touched or moved or had laughed and cried. I was encouraged by the joy that Genevieve was bringing to all these people. Babies are such blessings!

And then we started hearing other comments:

"My son said you better not tell Genevieve she was born in the toilet. Kids will make fun of her at school."

"Someone asked me how the poop baby was doing."

"They said she was born in the toilet. What does that mean? Was it like that TV show I Didn't Know I was Pregnant?"

I find out the youth pastor had decided to share our story with the whole youth group while I was nursing Genevieve. His synopsis: She was born in the toilet, but she's okay.

I overhear a college student telling his girlfriend, "Yeah, that's Ross and Dru-Lynn's baby. Apparently she was born in the..." I don't care that I'm eavesdropping. I touch his shoulder and ask him to stop. "Please. Don't. That's not the most important part." He agrees to read my blog before he shares my story.

Seriously, people? This is all that you can grasp from that story? That she was born in the toilet?

So this bothers me greatly. (Ironically, I haven't really thought through that part before. Again, call me crazy- but when you have a beautiful baby girl to love and care for... you don't think about people making fun of her.)

Then we get home and it's time to nurse again and I can NOT get her latch on the left side. She had been doing so well- but she decided she won't do it. We go through several feedings of her screaming- horrifically- instead of eating. She's fine on the right side, but stubborn on the left. Meanwhile, it's really beginning to hurt- both my breast and my heart.

Finally, at 2am, she latches and eats. I start whispering thanks to God for His help. For answering that prayer. For a baby that nurses well. And then I get a vision in my head of 5 year old Genevieve with cute pigtails. She comes up to me crying- telling me the kids at church are making fun of her because she was born in the toilet. Then another vision. This time she's 15 and tall and beautiful and she says I've ruined her life by birthing her in the toilet.

And I look down at my 3-day-old newborn, latching so well and humongous tears start dripping down my face. "Don't make fun of her!" I whisper. Ross was dozing off next to me, sees my tears and panics. "What's wrong?" I tell him it's not the nursing. It's the teasing. Why won't people leave my baby alone?

Then I start feeling emotional about Ross. I'm angry at him. For no reason. I feel disappointed and alone. And... I tell myself to snap out of it. He is wonderful and present and loving. Snap out of it.

And all of this. The toilet talk; the nursing troubles; the unfair thoughts towards Ross- all of it- is Satan trying to kill and steal and destroy. Trying to rob God of the glory He deserves for protecting us and loving us and blessing us. Trying to rob me of the joy that God wants to overflow in my heart.

I tell Satan to stop it. Leave me alone. Quit it. I ask Jesus to fight against him so that I can rest. And I fall fast asleep...

I know that His attacks are not finished. They've really just begun. But I know that God is greater. That His glory can not be squelched. That I have His Word to fight Satan's lies with.

Would you pray for my heart? That it wouldn't be overwhelmed. That it would not give a moment's thoughts to Satan's lies, but instead, fight them off with TRUTH. Please also pray for rest. He knows I'm tired- and weak. But I know that God never sleeps and is strong.

One more request. If you find yourself relaying our story to someone, could you summarize it like this: "I have a friend who had her baby girl at home last Sunday. She didn't mean to. But God had a plan and He was there and He kept them safe. The baby's name is Genevieve. She is a blessing to her family and God has big plans for her life."

Please. Don't say anything about the toilet.

: )

Perfect Timing

I had been worrying about when Genevieve would come. Ross works in Chandler- about 45 minutes from our home. That's on average. No traffic- 30 minutes. An accident or 2- easily over an hour.

What if she decided to come in the middle of a work day? What if Ross had to hurry home? What would that drive be like for him- stressing about getting to me in time?

Looking at how everything turned out now... thank God she came on a Sunday evening! Can you imagine if I was having contractions 10 minutes apart at 10am on a workday? Ross may have come home to me birthing the baby myself in the bathroom!!

If that had happened, God would have been here with me, of course! But I am consider myself blessed that I was able to labor with Ross by my side the entire time, even if I didn't realize that that was what I was doing : )

The Best Birth Attendant

Several people have been asking me lately what I would have done differently on Genevieve's birthday, if I could have changed anything. The only thing I can think of is the fact that we did not have someone medically trained here during the delivery. There would have been so much less stress on Ross if a midwife or a paramedic had physically been here to help. In fact, I'm kind of leaning towards having a PLANNED home birth next time : )

While this time, we did not have a physical birth attendant present- I can assure you that God was here with us the ENTIRE time. His fingerprints are all over this story and all over this little girl's life already. He is so good and I am so thankful for a special experience like a birth for us to see that.

My original intention was to sit here and list things that happened that were "God-things". Instead, I think I'll take it slower and just "mini-blog" for a while. As I think of them, I'll post specific ways that God revealed His presence and glory to us.

I hope these moments encourage your heart and your faith in our God who is so good and who is the original author of all these crazy, beautiful stories!

Genevieve Carigrace's Birth Story Part Two

Thanks for your patience : ) Both babies are asleep again. I know...I know... but if I laid down now I'd just be thinking of all the details I want to include in this story, so I'm going to finish now and sleep in peace tonight.

So Ross calls Lisa and fills her in on what's been going- to the best of his abilities- from his perspective- which was helpful, but she wanted to talk to me, to hear my voice and how I thought things were going. I chatted with her for a couple minutes- told her about the progression of my contractions and everything. I had one contraction while I was on the phone with her and she talked me through it while Ross helped me to relax. Then, she asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I was comfortable where I was and didn't feel like going to the hospital yet. She said, "Well. We don't you to be pushing in the parking lot. But if you feel okay at home, it will probably be okay to stay there a little while longer. Go ahead and call me when you are headed to the hospital, okay?" I said okay and hung up.

(At some point in here, my mom arrived. She was trying to distract herself and was sitting on our couch talking to Ross' mom on the phone...)

If you've read Caleb's birth story, then you know that Ross and I had a sweet opportunity before my induction to sit and pray together for the birth ahead. It is one of my favorite memories of all time and I had already decided I wanted us to pray before we had Genevieve. So after we hung up with Lisa, I asked Ross to sit on the bed and pray with me. We thanked God for our baby, for his protection and provision, for his presence with us there in our room, in the car, in the hospital. We thanked him for Lisa and for the nurses that were going to help us. We prayed for wisdom and endurance and strength.

And then I had another contraction. A strong contraction. A very, very painful contraction. Up until that point, I had been able to relax through them all. They hurt, sometimes badly, but I was able to breathe deeply and "let go". Not with this one. I couldn't lie still. I told Ross it hurt too much. I couldn't do this anymore. And then, I had an extreme moment of clarity. With complete seriousness, I asked him "Am I in transition already?" (If you don't know, transition is the part of labor where your body goes from 7 or 8 cm to fully dialated. It happens quickly (a few minutes to a few hours) and it is the hardest part of labor, both physically and emotionally).

Ross just shook his head like he didn't know what was going on. And then another contraction came. If the last one was bad, this one was horrific. I could not lie still. I was flailing my arms everywhere, rolling on the bed. Ross held my arms down to the bed, looked me in the eyes and said, "Relax. Relax. Relax!" Then he calmed down and started speaking softly about walking through the forest in Sedona together. I was able to calm down slightly.

When that contraction was over, another moment of clarity came. "We have to go to the hospital now," I said. I went to stand up and had a huge urge to go to the bathroom. "First, I'll go to the bathroom and then we'll go to the hospital." "Okay," Ross said. Another contraction came and I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. "Wait," said Ross. "My water is going to break and I need to go!" I yelled at him.

I walked into our (teeny, tiny) master bathroom and sat on the toilet. Another moment of clarity. I don't need to have a bowel movement. I need to push out this baby. Oh...my...gosh... Ross came into the bathroom with the phone and told me he was going to call Lisa. Another moment of clarity. "No. You are going to call 911." "Okay."

I stood up from the toilet and grabbed onto a towel rack. Meanwhile, Ross is giving the dispatcher our address and telling him that I am in the process of having this baby in our bathroom. I put my hand between my legs and feel something like a massive water balloon. The dispatcher tells Ross to have me lie down on my back. That sounds like the worse idea ever to me. (That is the most uncomfortable position to labor in). I tell him I am not doing that (even though I should have at least squatted down because...)

Another contraction comes and I feel lots of burning and I scream as my bag of waters makes an audible POP and water rushes out of me along with Genevieve as I'm standing up holding on to the towel bar. She slides through my one free hand, through Ross' one free hand and into the toilet. Then baby girl starts screaming and I am in complete shock. And poor, poor Ross is mortified at the sight of his baby girl in the toilet, and his other baby girl standing in pools of her own blood. He fished Genevieve out of the toilet and gave my mom the phone. I was then directed to lie down. I obliged this time :) by lying in our shower. Mom brings us lots of towels to cover myself and Genevieve. She is crying loudly. This makes the dispatcher happy. Then we hear more crying. Poor Caleb is awake. I direct Mom towards him. Ross is sitting on the floor of the bathroom, holding on to Genevieve and me.

Then, a paramedic walks in the door, sits down on the toilet seat and starts talking to me in the shower. (I told you our bathroom was small...) He must have been the kindest paramedic ever, and he must have done this before. He was very gentle and very kind. He took my vitals and Genevieve's. He clamped and cut the cord. He kept saying how good we both looked. Then he asked me to stand up and I thought he was crazy!

Did he know what I had just done? He asked if I felt lightheaded. Could he see the blood all over the floor? After a couple minutes, I was able to get up and walk to the gurney they had for me in our bedroom. I never had put on any clothing or my glasses since my shower, so imagine my surprise when I leave our bathroom to find 8 fuzzy figures of firemen in my bedroom. Thank God I couldn't see clearly. I might have died of humiliation.

I was able to climb up on the gurney myself (how, I do not know...) and was wheeled down our hallway- past Mom holding sleepy, very confused, very intrigued Caleb and into our dining room where our sweet neighbors from across the street are standing saying, "Dru-Lynn! This was not the plan!" I sheepishly smile as they hand me Genevieve and then wheel me out the front door into the very chilly night air. (At this point, I am covered by all kinds of randomness- bath towels, firemen towels, bloody stuff, I don't know what...) And then up and in I went into the back of the ambulance.

They start taking my vitals again and asking me all kinds of questions- like my name and where I work. I tell them I don't. Then I self-correct. "Well, I do. But I don't get paid." "You're a homemaker," the kind paramedic says, "That's a wonderful thing. And there aren't enough of them." That made me smile. Then there's a knock on the back door. They open it and there is my wonderful husband, asking if he can come, too. Then tell him he can ride up front.

Then we make the crazy trip to the hospital. I don't recommend riding in a vehicle as bumpy as an ambulance after giving birth. Not only is it physically uncomfortable, but they have the bed highly elevated, my knees bent and my ankles apart. I think drivers could see everything through the back window as they drove down 19th Ave. I ask if I can put my legs down and they say no. The kind paramedic pulls a towel down to cover me.

We pull up to the hospital and are taken to the emergency room entrance. We are a sight to see! Ross is wearing a white T-shirt and denim shorts and he is COVERED in blood. I am covered in all kinds of bloody material. But there's a cute baby girl on my lap. Ross gives me my glasses and I can finally see what's going on. More questions, then goodbyes as I am wheeled around and up the elevator to the maternity ward.

They get me in a room and a midwife named Kate comes in and starts checking me out. She and nurses do what they can to sponge bath me off (I still had bloody feet when I went to leave the hospital...) Then they start checking my uterus for shrinkage and my perenium for tears. Those two events hurt more than birthing Genevieve! I immediately want to go home : ) They deliver the placenta and dispose of it. Then, sweet Kate, pulls the stool close to the bed and says, "Now. Tell me your story!" with a fun sense of excitement in her eyes. I give them a brief synopsis and they joke with Ross about how messy he is.

Then a bunch of un-fun hospital stuff happened. (Registration paperwork- AFTER you've already had the baby... Taking the baby away from me to weigh her and bathe her and warm her, etc.)

I won't go into any of those details here. That's the most exciting part of the story. Please check back again soon. I want to post some cool ways that God showed up in that whole process.

Now... I will join my sleeping children : )

Genevieve Carigrace's Birth Story Part One

First, I should probably start by explaining what we WANTED to happen on the day that Genevieve came:

• We wanted a natural birth. I was hoping to labor and deliver without any drugs at all and with as few as interruptions (IV, cervical checks, etc) as possible. Ross and I took Bradley Method classes before we had Caleb- and Caleb was delivered without pain meds, but with inducing drugs. So we are WELL TRAINED in birth and the process and I am not, by any means, a superwoman : )
• We wanted to labor as long as possible as home- because it is the easiest place to be comfortable and cozy and there are no chances of all of those drugs and interruptions at home.
• We wanted to deliver the baby at Phoenix Baptist Hospital with a certified-nurse midwife from Bethany Women's Center named Lisa. All of their midwives are excellent, but I had very good experiences with her- had shared a lot of my fears and concerns with her and felt she had the best idea of what we wanted and was willing to help me accomplish it.
• We did NOT want a home birth. As Ross says, "They're really messy!"
• We wanted me to be completely healthy. I had been fighting a sinus infection that turned into an ear infection. I had been pretty miserable for the week prior and I was fervently praying that Genevieve would not come until the infection had cleared. How was I supposed to deliver a baby without pain meds, if my head was constantly throbbing?

So here's what REALLY happened : )

Sunday morning, March 25th, we had decided that Ross and Caleb would go to church, but that I would stay home and rest. My infections were really running me down and it didn't seem like being around a lot of people and loudish :) music was a good idea. Ross is glad they went to church. He was blessed by the music and preaching of the Word that day, while Caleb was able to play and have some normalcy without interrupting my rest, and I was able to rest and have some sweet quiet time with the LORD on the beginning of a very, very important day.

All morning and into the afternoon, I was having contractions. Very, very sporadic ones. Sometimes they were once an hour, sometimes every half hour. They were lower than all the contractions I had been having in weeks prior, but it was easy to ignore them. If I was sitting down, I couldn't feel them at all. In fact, it seemed like they only came if I got up to go somewhere. They were stronger than all the others I had had, but so sporadic, must still be Braxton Hicks, right?

My brother and dad came over the day before to help Ross work on a home improvement project. They had worked all day and had a few finishing touches to put on it. So my brother Ben came over and worked with Ross to finish it. After Ben left, about 5 in the afternoon, I asked Ross if we could go on a walk. " If these are real contractions, a walk should help them get really started" I told him. Ross agreed and off the 3 of us went.

I had 2 contractions on that walk- both about 25 minutes apart from others I had been having. We'd be walking, they would start slowly, I'd keep walking, then have to stop to breathe through them. They were getting stronger, but not too strong. I still felt very much in control and able to handle them. And 25 minutes apart? Maybe she'd come on Monday.

When we got home (around 6pm), I really felt like this was the beginning of labor, but that the delivery itself was far off. But I got busy. What did I want done before we went to the hospital? I did dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. Our hospital bag wasn't packed (perhaps a mistake...) but I had made a list of everything I wanted to take with us, so I began gathering clothes, books, snacks, etc. Ross fed Caleb dinner at this time. I wasn't real hungry, so I had a cheese stick and some Ritz crackers.

I don't know what really happened the next couple hours. My contractions were getting closer together, but slowly. 15 minutes apart. 12. 16. Those two were 9 minutes apart. Wait, now we're back to 15. I'm busy doing some nesting. Ross is busy spending time with Caleb. Contractions are getting stronger, but still manageable. Yet, I'm getting a little jealous of the time Ross is spending with Caleb. The contractions don't hurt so much if he is stroking my hair or talking to me.

Yet, at the same time, I see his nesting instincts are sweeter than mine. I want the house ready, Ross wants Caleb ready. About 8:30pm, I decide to quit worrying about what the house looks like and start enjoying our son. They are playing together in Genevieve's purple bedroom. Our sweet neighbors have given us a play kitchen and washer/dryer for her. Caleb LOVES putting dishes in the sink and in the drawers and taking them back out again. I sit down next to my boys and tell Ross that he is choosing "the better thing" quoting Jesus in relation to Mary and Martha. I smile. You're not supposed to be able to smile in late labor, just in the beginning. Baby Girl is still a long way off...

At this time (9pm), contractions are pretty consistently 10 minutes apart. They hurt, though. Real deep and low. I can feel pain in my lower uterus, my cervix and into my legs. I felt excruciating pain in my legs when I labored with Caleb. This makes me wonder if this isn't real and progressing, but everything is still 10 minutes apart. Am I really wimpy? How come I can't handle contractions that are 10 minutes apart?

It's getting past Caleb's bedtime. so we decide to put him to bed. Ross goes through the routine with him, while I lay down on the spare bed in Caleb's room. In the 30 minutes that it takes to get him ready, my contractions go from 10 minutes apart to consistently 5 minutes apart. Still strong, but manageable.

Now it's 10pm. I start getting bossy. This is not an unusual part of my character, but one I try to suppress and an attitude that I do NOT allow to spring up around Ross, but this is serious business. "I'm going to call my mom and tell her to come over. You need to call your mom. Then I'm going to get in the shower. Hopefully some steam will help clear my sinues. You are going to finish packing for the hospital. Okay?" Ross just smiles, nods, and gets to work. I wait till a contraction is over and call my mom. She says she's rushing over. I tell her not to rush. Baby isn't coming too soon. Just take her time and come. She agrees to be to the house by 11pm.

I get in the shower and have a contraction. This one is quite strong. I thought water was supposed to help you relax even better. When I feel the next one coming on, I yell for Ross to come help me. He holds my hand while I stand with my belly in the water. That feels GOOD! We can do this. Turns out my contractions are now 3 minutes apart. Ross agrees to hold my hand through each contraction, then run around and pack for 2 minutes, then run back. We do this for a while (20 minutes, maybe??)

I turn off the shower and then can't decide what to do. I don't want to get dressed. I want to lie down. I lie down on our bed in a towel. I tell Ross I'm just going to rest. He needs to finish packing (Ross is kind of an extraordinarily slow packer, in case you were wondering...) I have a contraction, which hurts, but is manageable, and I tell him to grab my cell phone and call the midwife.

To be continued...

To the Hospital and Back

So I didn't really mean to fall off the face of the earth for a week... but it kinda feels like I did. Let me give you an update on my health : )

Last week was very busy, fruitful and productive. I felt good about all that I had accomplished, but by the time Friday evening rolled around, I was very, very tired! Saturday morning, I woke up and felt a little better and started working around the house again- then we went to my cousin's birthday party and I got exhausted again. I couldn't wait to get to bed Saturday night. Sunday was church and then a get-together for my father-in-law's birthday. My mother-in-law made a delicious meal, that I could only eat about 1/2 of. The delicious meal is typical of Geneva. My lack of eating it was not...

We laid Caleb down for a nap at Ross' parents and I laid down too. That evening, I still felt unwell- no appetite, some mild nausea and a very low grade fever. I debated if I should do anything about it, but seeing that it's not just me affected by my illness, but Baby Girl as well, I went ahead and called the midwife's office.

I left a message and got a call back 3 minutes later. (I've never had that speedy of a call back anywhere- let alone on a Sunday night!) The midwife on-call was very kind- told me to snack on something with protein, drink a lot of water, take some tylenol and make an appt 1st thing Monday morning. She told me that a stomach bug had been going around and that I needed to be "assessed" : ) I followed her directions exactly.

Monday morning comes and I still don't feel well. I call and make an appt to be seen at 8:50 am. I then call my mother-in-law, who agreed to help however necessary. (Note: my parents were in Disneyland at the time...) Ross waits for his mom to get there, loads us up in the car and then heads to work.

We (Geneva, Caleb and I) arrive at the midwife's office and I am seen by a midwife I have heard good things about but have never seen before. She doesn't seem to be too worried by my illness- tells me to follow the BRAT diet, drink water and feel better. She measures my growing tummy and listens to the baby's heart beat... and seems a bit concerned. Tells me that she knows her heartbeat changed while we were listening to it, but not if it had gone from her regular rate down or an accelerated rate back to regular.

They put me on an electronic fetal monitor for 20 minutes. Meanwhile, Caleb and Grandma GG sit patiently in the waiting room. The midwife reads the monitor strip and is now concerned because I had 1 contraction and afterwards, the reading dips down a bit. She writes a prescription for me to have an ultrasound and an hour long monitoring session done at the hospital and sends me on my way.

At this point, I'm still nauseated and exhausted, and now, fearful. Is there something really wrong with my baby?

My mother-in-law drives us home real quick because they want me to eat something before the long test. I call Ross on the way and try not to cry. He tells me all will be just fine and to "be strong, okay?"

By the time we get to the hospital, Geneva and I have decided that she will stay with me as I register and figure out where I'm going and how long it should take. Then she will take Caleb back home to run around and play. I don't really want to be left alone, but there are no other options. Caleb can't come with us into the triage area.

Registration goes fine. The lady keeps commenting on how adorable Caleb is. Geneva and Caleb leave and I have some sense of peace. God is here. I'm a big girl. We'll handle this. I have the ultrasound, and the very kind technician asks me why I'm having it. I tell him that my uterus is measuring small and my baby's heart rate seemed irregular. He tells me she is measuring exactly average and that everything looks perfect. He assesses her on 4 areas and gives her a 100%. Huge relief.

I go upstairs to labor and deliver triage to have the monitoring done. The nurse is kind and basically leaves me alone, lying on my side, with a belt around my waist. I try to rest as I listen to the sound of Baby Girl's very regular sounding heart rate.

Suddenly, Lisa, the midwife I've been seeing regularly for my last 4 appt appears and wants to know why I'm there. She knows why the other midwife sent me- she asked that to reassure me that there is no real good reason for me being there. I've been measuring small for the past several weeks- but she could feel that the baby herself was the right size. And as for the contraction and drop of heart rate, she figures that the baby shifted away from the monitor once the contraction finished.

She notes that my ultrasound was perfect- that the first part of this long monitoring looks great and that I really just need to go home, drink fluids and get sleep. I agree with her that I just want to go home. She says she has some other people to see and then she'll come back and "set me free" : )

Then things got really crazy. Not for me- but in the triage area. A lady showed up in mid-labor in tons of pain with a baby feet down. She wasn't agreeable at all- didn't want to register downstairs, didn't want her cervix measured, didn't want to share her medical history. Wanted the C-section as soon as possible, but didn't want an IV. The nurses were having a difficult time keeping her calm and I was having a difficult time not being able to console this poor woman.

It took Lisa a little longer than she had expected to "release" me, but it did happen. Geneva and Caleb came and picked me up and then I went to bed.

This all happened Monday. Tuesday the stomach bug went from my upper tract to my lower. I called the midwife Wednesday and they suggested some medicine that worked wonders. My parents came home Wednesday too, so Caleb spent Thursday with them so I could continue resting. Today, I feel a little worn down, but I'm eating good and have no nausea or other nasty symptoms. Baby Girl continues to move around well.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me. Whether you knew about our specific situation or not. God was ever-present during this time. While at the midwife's, in the ultrasound room, in triage, while puking into the toilet. His presence could be felt : )

Hopefully, the next 6 weeks or so (crazy how soon, huh?!?) will be less dramatic. I will keep you up-to-date, regardless : )

Digging into James

Last December, I wasn't quite sure if I was going to enroll in our church's Women's Bible Study for this spring semester. How long was I actually going to be able to attend? Was I going to have time to do homework?

I presented these concerns to my dear husband, who gently, but firmly, told me that Bible Study was good for me and that I should sign-up. Don't worry about what you won't be able to do and just enjoy what you can learn when you are able to go.

I was happily surprised by his quick, positive, straight-forward answer. (Don't we need that sometimes? Just somebody to say "Go for it!") So I looked over the class options and decided on the class that was the most expensive and had the most homework. : ) What was Ross' response to that? "Obviously!" he exclaimed, with maybe a tinge of sarcasm, but mostly with a complex understanding of his slightly crazy wife.

That class was a Precepts Upon Precepts study of the book of James. I am soooo glad that he encouraged me- that I picked that one- and that he let me go through with it : )

We are 3 weeks into the course. I've read the book of James at least 10 times. I've read chapter 1 at least a dozen times. I've read 1:1-12 too many times to count.

Some of you are probably groaning right now. I don't blame you. That doesn't sound like much fun. But believe me. God's word is full of truth and insight. And sometimes we don't get it the first time, or the second, or the third... By reading and rereading and asking questions and looking for keywords, we begin to see His heart and His will.

And what is His heart and will for us? Well, in Chapter 1- it's that our faith become perfected. How does He accomplish that? By helping us endure through trials. "Obviously!" you say (much like my dear husband did).

Now after all that reading, I can't tell you that I totally understand why that's the way God causes us to grow. I can just tell you that it's the way He uses. And that He wants us to do it joyfully. And that we will receive a crown of life if we persevere.

Our God is a good God. His Word reveals it over and over again. I want to encourage you to read it. Just start there. Reading what the Word says. Then start asking questions and looking for answers. Start talking to people about what you're reading.

It will change your life and your heart. : )

Vices are Virtues are Vices

The following thoughts are not completely my own. They stemmed from a chapter in Rachel Jankovic's book, Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches (don't you just love that title? : ) ) I encourage you to read more of Rachel's thoughts here and to consider purchasing the book here.

Practically every personality trait can manifest itself in both positive and negative ways. Here are a few examples from my own little family.

Ross often loses track of time and is tardy to almost every engagement.

I, on the other hand, always know what time it is and strive to be early to every appointment.

When stated that way, (other than sounding terribly prideful) it highlights a positive aspect of my personality and a negative of Ross'. While it can be very easy to think in these terms, it can be more helpful for our marriage if I think of it this way:

Ross' agenda is not constrained to a clock. He enjoys each moment of life and moves on to the next activity when it seems appropriate to do so.

I, on the other hand, am a slave to time and often don't enjoy the moment because I'm too busy preparing myself for the next thing on the agenda.

See how, basically, it's the same trait being demonstrated- just manifesting itself differently? I may get angry when Ross is late getting home from work one day (even though he was spending the time building relationship with a non-Christian co-worker) but I probably don't mind it too much if he leaves late for work one morning because he and I had a meaningful conversation.

The same principle works with your kids.

Caleb sometimes laughs when I scold him. I, on the other hand, am quick to obey orders.

or

Caleb is not afraid of conflict and confrontation. I, on the other hand, melt when someone corrects me- so my obedience is often just an attempt to avoid any conflict whatsoever.

Let me encourage you to take a few minutes and think about the people you live with. What are some ways that they annoy or irritate you? Can they use that same trait in a positive way? Do they? How can you encourage them to do so? What are some traits in yourself that manifest themselves negatively? How can you focus on bringing out the positive in yourself?

Here's the truth. God made us unique and different. We image Him in so many ways. Sin came into the world and corrupted EVERYTHING- most especially, those personalities He designed. Jesus came and lived out a perfect life. Because of His sacrifice on the cross, we now have the grace and power to live rightly like He did. He can transform our hearts and help us to live out that unique personality in a way that glorifies God, not our sinful selves.

Thanks, Jesus!!

I've Counted up the Cost...

In the past week, I've had the opportunity to listen to 2 great speakers and to one awesome band. God is using them to speak to my heart- convicting it and asking me to change.

And I want to.

But I don't.

'Cuz I'm scared.

Our God is a BIG God. He does BIG things. He does strange and unconventional things. His ways are above our ways... and they don't always make sense to us.

But when God works- awesome things happen.

He brings life to dead places.

He saves and redeems hearts.

Something inside me wants to be a part of this BIG, unconventional, spiritual, inspiring work. And something else inside wants to hide in the corner.

The unknown is scary!

These thoughts and fears are revealing to me my need to get to know this BIG God better.

I need to be in the Word even more- looking for His mighty hand at work.

Trusting that He hasn't changed and that while He may lead His people to dangerous places, they are safe in His arms.

I need to take steps of faith outside my comfort zone. He will use me and every little experience that I have of listening to His voice and obeying will give me more personal examples of his faithfulness and trustworthiness.

The awesome band that I mentioned earlier (Rend Collective Experiment is their name) has a song called "The Cost." Caleb and I danced to it the other day and I just broke down in tears. I so want to sing this song from my heart, but a part of me is still fearful.

I encourage you to listen to the song here.

Think about the lyrics. Can you sing them honestly?

I'm in the process of counting up the cost.

I know that He is SO worth it : )