I've Counted up the Cost...

In the past week, I've had the opportunity to listen to 2 great speakers and to one awesome band. God is using them to speak to my heart- convicting it and asking me to change.

And I want to.

But I don't.

'Cuz I'm scared.

Our God is a BIG God. He does BIG things. He does strange and unconventional things. His ways are above our ways... and they don't always make sense to us.

But when God works- awesome things happen.

He brings life to dead places.

He saves and redeems hearts.

Something inside me wants to be a part of this BIG, unconventional, spiritual, inspiring work. And something else inside wants to hide in the corner.

The unknown is scary!

These thoughts and fears are revealing to me my need to get to know this BIG God better.

I need to be in the Word even more- looking for His mighty hand at work.

Trusting that He hasn't changed and that while He may lead His people to dangerous places, they are safe in His arms.

I need to take steps of faith outside my comfort zone. He will use me and every little experience that I have of listening to His voice and obeying will give me more personal examples of his faithfulness and trustworthiness.

The awesome band that I mentioned earlier (Rend Collective Experiment is their name) has a song called "The Cost." Caleb and I danced to it the other day and I just broke down in tears. I so want to sing this song from my heart, but a part of me is still fearful.

I encourage you to listen to the song here.

Think about the lyrics. Can you sing them honestly?

I'm in the process of counting up the cost.

I know that He is SO worth it : )

No Perfect Time

I am a firm believer in the idea that your spouse should be your best friend. That they should know what is on your heart- what brings you great joy, what hopes you have for the future and what is, most currently, bringing you anxiety or stress. God desires for us to be one with each other, and that means our hearts just as much as our bodies and lives.

I want to share absolutely everything with Ross, but some things are delicate. Some things have a lot of thought behind them and a lot of emotion invested in them. Some things involve sin and conviction and repentance. Some things are heavy- not light.

And so I wait... for the "perfect" time to talk.

I hope some of you are laughing right now. Because, in reality, the "perfect" time doesn't exist.

It didn't exist before Caleb, either, but some times seemed perfect- now, none do.

I've had some things on my heart lately, and I had been waiting for the weekend to discuss them with Ross. The weekend came. Friday night we saw Francis Chan with some people from the youth group. You can't have meaningful conversation while you're listening to someone else speak! It took us nearly 45 minutes to leave the parking lot. That seemed like an opportunity, but Ross was growing increasingly impatient. Nope. Talking with a frustrated husband while he's behind the wheel is definitely not a good idea...

And the excuses keep coming. It's hard to talk while Caleb is running around the house. You leave him alone for a second and he's got two hands in the toilet. It's near impossible to talk with a football game on the television. (Insert sigh here.) Take heart, dear friends. There's none on next weekend, 1 game the Sunday after that, and then we are free for several months...

So all this distraction goes on and my need for deep conversation grows deeper and deeper still until it's Sunday night and we're crawling into bed. "I want to talk to you," I say to my eyes-halfway-open husband. "Okay," he mumbles. With my eyes closed and my nose somewhat scrinched up I say that this isn't exactly the atmosphere I had hoped for our conversation. He opens his eyes wide, looks straight at me and says what he's said 100 times before. "There's no perfect time. Just go for it."

And I did. And I'm glad.

Perhaps you have a conversation that needs to be had. And there hasn't been a good time to have it. The perfect time isn't coming anytime soon, dear friend. Just go for it : )

The Gift of Pregnancy

Have you ever been to a shower where you prayed over the woman of honor? I think it is the coolest idea. My first experience with that was my own baby shower for Caleb. Our pastor's wife shared some biblical thoughts on motherhood and then she prayed for Caleb, my mom prayed for me and a lady who had mentored Ross and me in the youth group prayed for Ross. There wasn't a dry eye in the room and my heart was so very encouraged.

A few months later, it was our pastor's wife's turn to be prayed over : ) She was expecting her 3rd boy (that's requires prayer in and of itself!) and several ladies from the church gathered together to shower her with love, gifts and prayer. I had been asked to praise God for this pregnancy. I had never really thought about that before, but I found such joy in thanking God for the gift of pregnancy.

At 30 weeks pregnant myself, I've been thinking about that more and more lately. Isn't God good to give us the gift of pregnancy?

Just think. He could deliver babies to our arms in so many ways (the stork comes to my mind...) but instead, He asks for our participation for 9 months. He causes our children to grow inside us- completely dependent on us for nourishment and protection. Before we even see or hear our babies, we are deeply, emotionally connected to them.

That's a gift.

And then there's the process of actually bringing them into the world (I'm sure I'll blog more about this as our big day approaches!) He could just bring them to us, but instead He asks for our participation and for our trust.

While pregnancy can start to get a little uncomfortable, and life with a baby belly can be hormonally charged and physically exhausting, God uses ALL of it to connect us to these little people- before anyone else gets to meet them.

Isn't that the coolest thing? Yes, Ross has felt the baby kick and heard her little heartbeat, but he doesn't know her like I do. You can't possibly know her like I do. For she is growing inside me, and God is growing my heart and filling it with His love for her.

In a couple months, I'll have to share Baby Girl with you. And I will want to, but for now, I'm enjoying getting to know her all by myself : )

Psalm 139:13

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

The Epi-Pen

For several months, our family fought diaper rash long and hard. Poor Caleb's bottom was often bright red and raw. Our pediatrician (who we mostly really like) kept giving us topical things to put on it. It would get a little better, then far worse.

After talking to LOTS of moms, we became convinced that it wasn't an external problem, but an internal one. Caleb was eating something that was bugging him. So we experimented with lots of things- substituting rice milk for cow's milk, avoiding baby wipes entirely, we even took a very expensive trip to a naturopathic doctor. She told us to give up cow's milk entirely (milk, cheese, yogurt, etc) as well as bananas and soy. We did and things got better but not perfect.

I finally made an appointment with an allergist. She is super sweet and kind (even though she ordered a test that poked my baby a bunch of times...)

The results? Caleb is not allergic to cow's milk- or the lactose or protein inside it. He's not allergic to bananas or soy. He's not allergic to a single grass or mold (as of yet...). He is, however, severely allergic to tree nuts.

Go figure, right?

We've continued avoiding cow's milk of all kinds. Caleb drinks goat's milk with a multivitamin and a probiotic stirred in. We still don't use typical baby wipes, but wet paper towels. (Not only less chemicals, but less money, too.)

And I now carry an Epi-Pen where ever I go.

I picked them up from the pharmacy yesterday and listened with wide eyes as the pharmacist explained how to use it and, if I ever do, that I must call 911- because this is a serious emergency. I looked back at Caleb happily dangling his feet in the shopping cart and took a deep breath.

Ross spent quite a bit of time yesterday "playing" with the training device that comes with the pens. He "shot" it into his own leg several times and tried keeping Caleb still enough to try shooting it into his. (Just in case you have no idea what I am talking about... the real one has a needle in it. The trainer doesn't. Still, I wouldn't let Ross get near me with the training device...)

As Ross is sitting on the floor, trying to get Caleb still so he can practice on him, I mention that if he was really having an allergic reaction so bad that we would need to use it, we probably wouldn't be thinking about not hurting him with the pen- adrenaline would probably take over.

Ross nodded his head in agreement and then we both looked at Caleb- smiling, as he tried grabbing the trainer out of Daddy's hand.

I wanted to cry.

And then I remembered a truth that we have to live by everyday, some days more fervently than others.

Romans 8:15

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' "

Yes, LORD. I am not a slave to fear. Yes, it is true that some horrible, awful thing could happen to my son. But it's not my job to fear it. If fear overtakes me or something truly awful does happen, I can cry "Abba, Father!" and know that you hear me.

What a relief!

Quiet Time Redone

Last Friday, I had the opportunity to sit down and take a personal retreat- a time to read, pray, and think about my life. It was a really sweet time for my heart. I highly encourage you to carve out some time for yourself to take one!

(I spent about 3 solid hours "retreating" and then took the opportunity to eat a quiet lunch, shower leisurely, have a pedicure and manicure and then spent some time making myself look lovely for a date with Ross. If you don't have a whole day to devote- 2 or 3 hours will be enough to do the meaty part : ) )

I wanted to share with you one of the areas where I really felt God asking me to commit to change: Quiet Time.

About a year ago, when I was still having a hard time adjusting to the new mother gig, I felt completely broken and spiritually troubled. My heart was convicted by the fact that I wasn't regularly in the Word, so I began a read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year program. And my attitude and heart drastically changed. Suddenly there was life and there was hope. At a time when it was still tricky finding a few minutes to brush my teeth, I devoted myself to reading the Bible at some point during the day.

Throughout the year, my quiet time has changed a lot- since a baby's schedule constantly changes. I LOVED having quiet time during Caleb's morning nap- right around 10 o'clock in the morning. I didn't have to get up any earlier than him, we had some time to eat and play and get settled, my brain was actually awake when I read. It was a sweet time. About 3 months ago, however, Caleb gave up that morning nap and my quiet time hadn't really been the same since.

I was convicted on Friday about this, about the lack of consistency. Yes, I was reading (almost) every day, but it was when I could squeeze it in. If I really wanted to learn and to grow, I needed to plan it into my day. If I really wanted it to affect my attitude for the day, it needed to be in the morning.

So I committed to getting up every day (yes, every, single one) at 7am. That may be early or late for you, but that's what's right right now for me. The tough part was the consistency of every day- even Saturday and Sunday. But I was highly convicted of this. Maybe I'd have a better attitude at church and more loving to my sweet husband if I had my heart molded by the Word even before he woke up!

I've adjusted what I've been doing a bit as well. I'm going to share the new plan here with you, because it may help you. If you have a plan that works well, by all means continue. If not, some of my suggestions may help : )

1) Get out of bed : ) Get a snack of some kind (most people like coffee), my Bible, my notebook and head to the couch in the orange room (yes, we have a newly-painted orange room...)

2) Pray for attentiveness of mind and an open heart.

3) Read Scripture (I was using an on-line read-through program, but I found it part to keep up the pace. I think I'm on track to read the whole Bible in 2 years, not one : ) That's okay, though. Today, I read all of Joel. I'd never read there before!)

4) Jot down key verses or an application piece in my new notebook. (This was new for me, too- but I know I needed to respond to the Word somehow or I was just going to forget it.)

5) Pray EVERYDAY for Ross, Caleb, Baby Girl (It's sad to admit, but I wasn't doing this with consistency. This is such a great act of love and an opportunity for my faith to grow as the LORD answers my prayers. Among other things, I make sure to pray for my children's salvation each and every day.)

6) Pray for any other requests.

7) Meditate. (I learned about this in college and have been rereading material on it. I'll blog about it more... later.)

8) Write to-do list for the day in my new notebook.

That last one may seem out of place. A to-do list? In your Scripture notebook? Here's the justification behind it:

- I'm already sitting down and it's quiet, early in the morning, it's the perfect time to think about how we are going to spend the rest of the day.

- I look at my to-do list 10+ times a day, if I write it in my notebook, I'm looking at the Scripture I read that day, too.

- By writing it in my notebook, right after reading and praying, I can connect my activities with spiritual things. These things are how I am going to live out my faith today.

- By writing them in a notebook, and not 100 little pieces of paper, I can look back and see consistency and patterns and be encouraged as God gives me the strength to do things, both big and small

I'm excited to see how this new structure for quiet time affects my life and the life of my family. Again, I encourage you- take a few minutes and think through what you do. How can you do it better?

Here are the verses I wrote down this am:

Joel 2:12-13

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

Rend Your Heart

¹² “Even now,” declares the LORD,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

¹³ Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.

Personal Retreat

I am SO excited for tomorrow! Caleb is going to spend the entire day with my parents while I stay home and take a personal retreat.

I first heard the idea in Shopping for Time by Carolyn Mahaney and her 3 daughters. And then a dear friend of mine was able to go on one several months ago.

Here's the basic premise: you take a considerable chunk of time to be by yourself to read the Word, to pray, and to think. The goal is to spend a small piece of time away from your responsibilities so that you can attend to them BETTER.

I'm excited. I have always been a thinker and an analyzer. I often stop myself and ask "Why am I doing this?" "Is it really worth my time?" Tomorrow will be an opportunity to look over our family's schedule and to make some important decisions. "What are we doing with our time?" "Is it the best use of our time, right now?"

One of the main concepts that I LOVE from the book is the idea that there are lots of good ways to spend our time- lots of opportunities to love and to serve. However, our lives move through seasons. What was the best thing for me to do when I was in college is not the best now that I'm a married stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, I'll be able to ask God for help making wise decisions during this season- this precious time of being a wife and a mom to just Caleb. And because I'll have all day- I can actually wait for His guidance and an answer.

Tomorrow, I will also look at my relationships and ponder how I can do them better.

How can I love Ross well? How can I be a help to him in this season?

What ways can I make Caleb feel special in the months leading up to the baby's birth?

What people in my life right now does God want me to minister to and encourage?

Let's face it. We all know hundreds of people and we all would really like to hang out with many of them, learn from them and pour into their lives. But we don't have the time to do all that with everybody. Tomorrow will be an opportunity to think about 2 or 3 extra relationships that need that kind of care.

I'm excited for tomorrow. A day to read and pray and think. And maybe I'll throw a pedicure in there, as well : )

Today's Appt : )

To anyone and everyone that prayed for me... thank you.

Yesterday afternoon, I was able to spend some quiet time telling the LORD all of my concerns and really pondering what it means to trust Him. I was also able to read some good material on the spiritual disciplines and to ponder how Christ is the one who changes us- not our strivings at righteousness. These 2 things plus your prayers put my soul in a very comforting spot.

Thank you.

My appointment went really well. The top number of my blood pressure was high again- but the midwife and I agreed that it is simply whitecoat hypertension. The plan is for me to continue monitoring it at home and those numbers will go in my chart. They will STOP taking it at the office. They will continue monitoring my protein levels (which have been totally negative so far). If my blood pressure goes up at home, then they will do something. If not, we have nothing to worry about.

Thank you, Jesus!

This should make for a much less stressful 3rd trimester!

The midwife also measured the baby (she's growing just right) and listened to her heartbeat (it sounded beautiful) and felt that her head is down (good girl!)

Right now we are praising God for His faithfulness. Today it is being demonstrated through his blessing. Even if a complication does arise- we KNOW he is forever good!

Tomorrow's Appt...

I have an appointment with the midwife tomorrow.

Every time I think about it- my heart beats a little faster and part of me wants to throw up.

The midwife is sweet.

I feel great.

Baby girl is moving a lot.

There is nothing to worry about.

But I am nervous.

Please pray that this anxiety goes away.

It's not pleasing to Him or helpful to me.

Thanks, guys : )

Philippians 4:6-8

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Pray While You Discipline

We didn't have any banana tantrums today. Thank, God. But we are definitely entering into a season in which Caleb needs to be corrected, redirected and encouraged OFTEN. Like every 5 minutes.

Last night, he discovered how to turn the TV on. Ross decided that he didn't want Caleb doing that every 5 minutes- so he grabbed him and told him not to touch again. What does Caleb do? See if Daddy is really serious about this and he touches it again. So Ross tells him "I told you not to do that" flips him over and swats him on the bottom. What does Caleb do? Laughs.

This has been his normal reaction to spanking. Perhaps if we hit him hard enough he wouldn't laugh. But I don't want to HIT him hard enough. And the times that I DO want to hit him hard enough, well- let's just say I think that would be sinning in my anger.

So I pick up Caleb- grab his little face- and tell him "We do what Daddy tells us to do. We obey." And then I marched him into his room, turned the light on, took the blanky out of his crib, set him standing in it and went to my room for a minute. One of Caleb's 1st time outs.

A minute later (literally) I pick up my screaming, crying, tear-streaked baby and tell him that he had a time out because he didn't obey what Daddy had said to do. We love him very much and God wants us to teach him obedience. Caleb clung to me with his big blue eyes dripping.

We've had that same experience 5 times now since that one.

Same scenario. Caleb looks at the TV. Looks and sees if anyone is watching him. And then, regardless if anyone is, he turns it on. And I say "You need to obey the rules" and he ends up screaming in the crib for 1 minute. (I don't know why he hates it that much- but, as you can see, in his case, it works way better than the bottom swat which leads to laughter...)

Last night, he did it a total of two times and Ross was here to support the process. Today, just me and Caleb and 4 time outs- in a matter of 1 hour. I felt like crying.

What got me through, though, and what I hope is getting through to Caleb is a slight change to our approach. While he sits in his crib crying, I sit on my bed praying. I pray for these things:

- That Caleb would learn to obey us.

- That Caleb would learn to obey authority.

- That Caleb would ultimately learn to obey God.

- That Ross and I would model obedience for Caleb.

- That God would reveal to us any areas in our lives where we are not obedient.

(He did this for me today... : ) )

- That we would have patience while we train Caleb.

- That we would have endurance while we train Caleb.

- That we would (quickly!) see the fruits of our labors.

Then, when I pick Caleb up from his crib and I wipe his tears and I explain again why he was in time out, then we pray together. With Caleb in my arms, I pray for these things:

- That Jesus would help Caleb to learn obedience.

- That Jesus would help Caleb to stand up against temptation.

- That Caleb would remember the rules he is supposed to follow.

- That Caleb would WANT to follow those rules.

- We thank Jesus that He knows exactly what temptation feels like, yet he endured it (for 33 years!) and still remained obedient to the Father.

- We praise Jesus for His obedience and thank him for what it means for us.

I can't claim this idea as my own. I've read far too many books about prayer and the power of God's word. I know it will produce fruit in Caleb's heart. He WILL learn to obey. He WILL be a man of discipline some day.

But for right now, it takes timeouts in cribs and tears and lots and lots of prayer.

Proverbs 13:24

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

²⁴ He who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

(I encourage you to look up "discipline" at biblegateway.com. The word is often used to describe how God disciplines us.)

Banana Tantrums

At exactly noon today, Caleb had a banana tantrum. Right in the middle of the kitchen- with no regard for his personal safety- he started whining, and crying and thrashing himself about- running into the stove and cabinets. He wanted a banana and he wanted it BAD.

Never mind that he had eaten a full banana just 2 hours before.

Never mind that he had eaten a piece of toast, a banana, a whole avocado, a baby food pouch and handfuls of goldfish crackers just this morning.

Never mind that I was standing there graciously offering him milk or cheerios.

Never mind any of that. He wanted another banana.

As he threw himself about, I tried protecting his head from crashing into the floor and tried gently explaining "You already ate a banana. If you ate another one, your belly would hurt. You don't want that. Let's find something else to eat..."

Eventually, he settled down. Lying flat on his back in the middle of the kitchen- arms and legs spread wide. Giving me this "Well, Mom, wasn't that convincing?" look.

It took all that I had not to laugh at him. He was being completely ridiculous and irrational.

I'm very grateful that God had filled with me with grace for that moment. I had peace and patience that were Spirit-produced, not by my own flesh. At a different time, I may have become angry or wanted to cry alongside him.

This time I had grace enough to watch patiently and to wonder if I ever tantrum like this sometimes.

Not literally, obviously, but in my heart- do I ever cry out that it's not fair? That I really, really, really want something and the fact that God's not giving it to me is because He's mean and unkind. Do I ever do that? Far more subtle, of course, but still, do I sometimes think that I know what is best for myself? Will demanding it from God help anything?

Or, when things don't go my way, should I look at all the things that God has provided in the past (the toast, the 1st banana, the avocado... : ) ) and trust that He's got my best interest in mind and that maybe I don't need another banana right now, after all.

Southwest Chicken Chili

Ross's cousin, Alex, is a chef and he made this for us one night. It is delicious! Enjoy : )

Southwest Chicken Chili

1/2 stick of butter

1 diced onion

1 diced bell pepper

1 diced celery stalk

2 diced jalapenos

2 Tbsp chopped garlic

2 cans broth (whatever kind you have/like)

1 can black beans, rinsed and drained

1 can navy beans, rinsed and drained

1 can petite diced tomatoes, undrained

2+ Tbsp Sweet-n-Spicy rub

3 Tbsp cilantro

Cooked Chicken (Alex roasted his own with the sweet-n-spicy rub. I used about 3/4 of the meat off of a rotisserie chicken. I said I cheated. Ross said I'm smart. I love my husband : ) )

In a large saucepan or dutch oven, melt the butter. Then saute the 1st set of ingredients.

Add other ingredients, using 2 Tbsp of rub.

Bring to a boil, then simmer.

Thicken with cornstarch, if you'd like.

Add more spice, if needed.

Out of My Hands

We went to a church event last night and I was asked, at least 10 times, when our baby is expected to come. "March 26th!" I said over and over again- half excitedly, half fearfully.

That's less than 3 months away.

I'm starting to get nervous.

Not about the newborn stuff- not the crying and the lack of sleep and the needing to be held all the time stuff. I think I'm ready for that. I'm a little anxious about the nursing stuff- since last time was such a disaster. But I'm hopeful for that too. All of that stuff doesn't make me nervous, it makes me want to hurry up and take a nap.

I'm more nervous about childbirth.

Not the painful stuff, either. I know I can do that. Caleb came with Pitocin and without pain drugs. That hurt. But not for long. I know my body is capable and my husband wonderfully supportive. It will hurt but I'm not worried about that either.

I'm worried something is going to go wrong.

And there's nothing, really, I can do to prevent it. I'm eating well- busying moving and chasing Caleb around- I don't smoke or drink or do drugs. My health has been quite good through this pregnancy. I'm doing what I can- but some things just happen.

What if I develop preeclampsia and have to be induced again?

What if baby girl doesn't get her act together and her head down and I end up with a C-section?

What if something really horrible happens... to her... to me?

I have little control over these things and that's what makes it so scary. And with less than 3 months to go, everything feels so very real.

I have recently found comfort in 2 things.

#1- My grandma put a little verse card in my stocking this year- the cute ones you can buy at the Christian book store. It quotes Romans 15:13 " May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace as you trust in Him." That verse inspires my heart. As I trust in Him, in all those things that I can and can not see, He will fill my heart with joy and peace, because He is a God of hope. (Insert big sigh here) Yes, God- help me to trust you and help me to treasure your joy and peace.

#2- This morning, I was praying and started asking God to reveal to me any lies that I may be believing that are contributing to my fears. He very clearly revealed it to me, almost instantly. I've been believing that the status (healthy or not-so-much) of my pregnancies and the success of my deliveries (whether it went the way I wanted or not) is a reflection of my worth. Like, a good mom would have a complication-free pregnancy and birth. Like I somehow have control over it and if it doesn't go as I planned, then it's my fault.

This is totally a lie. Whether I am healthy for 9 months and deliver a baby with little help or I'm bedridden for 9 months and deliver a baby C-section, either way, I am valuable and worthy to Him.

Many people struggle with performance issues and God. Like if only I was smarter, He'd love me. Or if only I was more merciful or patient or kind or pick-your-favorite-fruit- He'd love me. My flesh wants to find value in my childbirthing abilities. How silly!

Our value and worth comes from God alone. He made us. We are His. And His Son shed His precious blood for us. That's where my value and worth comes from. Not perfect lab work and quick labor progression.

I have a feeling I won't be able to tell myself this truth just today and be "all better." I think, for the next 3 months, I'm going to have to repeat this to myself over and over again.

Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him."

Psalm 139:13 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."

Ephesians 2:8-10" For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Lie: God's Ways are Too Restrictive

We live in a "don't tell me what to do" society. It's "cool" to bend or negotiate rules or to assume that certain regulations don't apply to us. (Don't believe me? Drive around Phoenix for 15 minutes.)

Sadly, many Christian women apply this thinking to God's laws as well.

We have a less-than-ideal husband, so we don't submit like we should.

We like getting attention, so we wear not-so-modest clothing.

We have a hard time controlling our anger, so we sin in response to it.

We like feeling better than others, so we gossip.

We want instant gratification, so we don't save sex for marriage.

We care more about ourselves than others, so we don't help the widow and the orphan.

We don't rely on the Spirit for self control, so we eat/sleep/talk/(insert your favorite sin here) too much.

But the truth is, God's law is good for us. His precepts are fair and just. His rules are for our benefit. Think back to poor Eve. God gave her just one rule and she broke it. And her world was never the same.

While following God's commands can be difficult and fighting temptation so very hard- it's worth it. And we don't have to go at it alone. It's Christ's desire that we abstain from sin and the Spirit is here to help us. IF we humbly ask him to.

How have you believed this lie? What command have you been avoiding because it's "too restrictive?"

James 1:19-27

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

Listening and Doing

¹⁹ My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. ²¹ Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

²² Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³ Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴ and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵ But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

²⁶ If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. ²⁷ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

A Resolution

I'm not a huge fan of New Year's resolutions, basically because I think we should always be reflecting and looking for ways to change our attitudes and improve our behavior. In fact, some of the most successful resolutions I've set have come not in January, but in February and March.

However, this year, the LORD convicted me, about a week ago about something I need to be doing differently...

Every December, Ross has the opportunity to take off several days from work. His company shuts down from Christmas to New Years and he often is able to take off a few days before Christmas as well. All in all, this is a HUGE blessing. It's sweet to be together during this time- waking up together, eating every meal together, working on projects around the house, enjoying Caleb together. It's a precious time.

However, it also can be challenging. Since I stay home every day anyway, I have a routine and a plan. It's kinda hard to keep that routine with Ross around. Either he has a different plan or hanging out with him just seems way more fun than doing the dishes, the laundry or the vacuuming. That means the house starts looking chaotic (which stresses me out) and Ross starts wondering what I do all day while I'm at home.

He being home for all that time can also present a different problem. We have different ideas about what we should be doing (Me: Snuggling, sharing, reminiscing. Ross: Working on the baby's room, building Legos, watching football) And that's when selfishness kicks in.

The Tuesday after Christmas was when it all hit. I felt like Ross wasn't making good use of this time together. (Doesn't he know he can only kiss me at 9 am on a Tuesday, like twice a year??) Ross was beginning to feel me becoming naggy and unhappy. I felt like crying. Things were not good.

So I semi-calmly walked into our bedroom, closed the door, sat on the bed, and opened the Word to a passage I had read recently that I wanted to seep into my heart. It reads:

Philippians 2:1-4

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

Philippians 2

Imitating Christ’s Humility

¹ If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴ Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Hmmmm.... Maybe I should stop my pity party right in it's tracks, consider Christ's humility and be happy.

Not everybody gets to have two weeks of time with their husbands at home- to enjoy a football game together, to return to childhood and put a Lego set together, to have their husbands eagerly help them prepare a nursery.

Although the situation may not have been MY ideal, it was still good. And I can still be happy.

So that's my resolution for today and 2012 and my whole life. To do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others (let's start with Ross and Caleb) better than myself. AND to do it with a joyful heart.

Somehow, I feel like it may take my whole life to get that one right : )